


In A Car With A Beautiful Boy

by little_escapist



Series: Carpool au [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Canonical Character Death - Finn Hudson, Carpooling, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13300026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_escapist/pseuds/little_escapist
Summary: Blaine is always willing to help out someone in need. When Kurt Hummel, a person he's never met before, asks for a carpooling arrangement in the company intra from his neighborhood, Blaine agrees instantly.If he only knew how one innocent helpful act is going to change his life.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Richard Siken's poem.
> 
> Written for this prompt from @prompt-a-klainefic:  
> Kurt could not afford both a car and the great apartment further out of town that he was looking at. He decided to not compromise on his new apartment, but the commute was hell. He asked on the intranet at work if anyone would be interested in carpooling from time to time. Someone answered his ad, and the carpooling turned in to an almost daily thing.
> 
> Blaine is in a bit of a pickle. How will he go about going from nice, helpful coworker to friend when all he can think about is how it would be to become Kurt’s boyfriend?
> 
> Blaine is always willing to help out if possible. So he answered the note on the company’s intranet asking for a ride to work. Kurt, whom he didn’t know, from one of the downstairs offices lived on his way to work, so it would not be a problem picking him up on the way.
> 
> But it was problem that the time they shared in the car was enough to get to know a lot of things about Kurt’s life – he talked about his dad a lot, he had a complicated relationship with his friend Rachel, he needed some quiet time in the morning where he would just sit and hold his coffee - when he was ready to talk he would turn to Blaine with a beautiful smile, 5 min. before they would arrive at work Kurt would start adjusting his clothes and his already perfect hair. They talked about music, films, politics, food, the weather etc. But Blaine wanted to know more – What was Kurt’s dreams in high school, what was the story with Rachel, why didn’t he talk about his mother, what did he fear the most, what would it be like to kiss Kurt, what touches would make him tremble with passion.
> 
> Blaine’s wishes for a lot of things. Can he - dare he jeopardize what he has now and try to make them come true?
> 
> Pining galore.

Blaine likes to think of himself as a generally good person. He likes helping his friends as well as random people he meets. If a stranger happens to drop their glove on the street and Blaine sees it, he will run after them to return the item. That’s a part of who he is, and he takes pride in it. He likes to be useful, he likes to make people’s lives easier whenever possible. So, when he sees a note in the company intranet asking for a carpool arrangement from his neighborhood, he doesn’t even hesitate. Besides, the rather long commute all alone is boring. He wouldn’t mind having company. Singing along to the radio had turned from an entertainment into something deeply lonely in the last years he has worked in William McKinley Music.

 

 _Hi there_ , he writes. _I live in the same neighborhood, so it wouldn’t be a problem at all to pick you up on the way. I’ll meet you by the grocery store at 8:15?_

 

And so it begins.

 

*

 

The morning is sunny, light shining into Blaine’s bedroom and making waking up that much easier. Blaine smiles to himself as he pulls his dark jeans on and decides on a red bow-tie. He can feel that today is a good day, even though there’s a slight jitter of nerves in the bottom of his belly. He will meet Kurt today for the first time. He hopes for a friendship, because lately he’s been feeling lonely. He has friends, but he doesn’t get to see them that often. Sam is a model and travels a lot, and Tina and Mike live in Chicago now. Long gone are the days they all went to college together. Blaine likes his co-workers fine – Wes and David, a team that’s practically a unit called Wes-and-David, and well, Sebastian is okay but Blaine could do without his constant flirting. They all work in producing and they get along well most of the time. Blaine doesn’t hang out with them after work, though, and he can’t really talk to them about everything.

 

Blaine sits down for breakfast of orange juice and some cereal. His thoughts turn gloomy as he eats. He’s not quite so sure how he ended up so alone. He used to be well liked in high school and in college, and he gets along with people in his life. He knows how to talk and joke and have a good time. Yet, here he is, eating breakfast all alone at twenty-six. It’s been months since he broke up with his boyfriend, and he feels the echo in the rooms meant for two or three instead of one. At first it had been a relief to be alone, to fill his days however he wanted. But now, five months alone have changed that. It’s disheartening to return to an empty house every day. He doesn’t miss his ex – they were more like friends than lovers, and Blaine never felt a spark with him. Blaine does miss the company, though. A new friend might make him feel less lonely.

 

Some minutes later Blaine steps out, locks his door and gets to his car. He sets his messenger bag on the back seat before settling behind the wheel. Usually he just throws the bag on the shotgun seat, but today that can’t happen. His next stop is Kurt, and he’ll occupy the seat right next to Blaine. Kurt had sent him an answer through the intra, saying he’d be wearing a red scarf and carrying a coffee. Blaine has no clue what his passenger looks like, so he hopes that there won’t be too many guys in red scarves in the grocery store parking lot.

 

The drive takes about five minutes. Blaine hums along the radio and thinks that he has no reason to be nervous. Okay, forty minutes in a confined space with a stranger might get awkward, but Blaine usually gets along with people just fine. He can keep up inane conversation and he knows how to be charming. And he can give a mean pep talk, even to himself. It’s going to be fine. Blaine turns his blinker on and drives to the parking lot. A lone, slight figure in a dark jacket and a red scarf is standing close to the doors. He’s tall and young, about the same age as Blaine, give or take a couple years to either direction. He’s also breathtakingly gorgeous, Blaine notes as he drives closer and opens his window. With his delicate, pleasing features, wide mouth and up-swept hair Kurt is easily the most attractive person Blaine has seen in a while.

 

“Hey, are you Kurt Hummel?” Blaine asks from his window, taking in long legs in tight jeans and black boots.

 

The guy turns to look at him with clear blue eyes that seem to reflect the sky. “Yes. You are Blaine?” His voice is high and unusual. Blaine likes it immediately.

 

“I am. Hop on,” Blaine smiles and gestures towards the passenger side.

 

Kurt does as told, goes around the car, opens the door and sits down next to Blaine, all the while taking extreme care with his travel mug of coffee. The mug has a picture of the Statue of Liberty on it, and a skyline that must be New York. Kurt brings in a gush of fresh air and a scent Blaine can’t quite figure out. They fall into a silence, neither knowing what to say.

 

“I’m not really a morning person. Can you give me a moment?” Kurt says, then, taking a sip of his coffee.

 

“That’s fine,” Blaine says. He means it, but he can’t help feeling a little disappointed. He’d like to actually have a conversation. Driving in silence would be like torture. He heads off back to the road and concentrates on checking if there are any pedestrians around before he exits the parking lot.

 

Blaine can’t help sneaking little peeks of Kurt while he drives. Kurt stares ahead and doesn’t seem to be too aware of his surroundings. The radio is playing quietly in the background, and Blaine has no idea if the station is something Kurt would approve. They mostly play whatever is popular at the moment, and Blaine likes the dj. This morning there’s a theme, though: Throwback Thursday. They are playing songs from some years ago, songs that remind Blaine of his high school years.

 

 

Blaine itches with the need to say something to Kurt, to break the silence, but he promised Kurt could take his time. Then, after few minutes, Kurt turns slightly and smiles at Blaine. The smile is shy and tight-lipped, but it still lights up Kurt’s face.

 

“So, hey. I’m sorry about that. I just need my caffeine and some time before I’m people-savvy.”

 

Blaine smiles, chuckles a little. He’s relieved. “No problem. Are you new at McKinley’s?”

 

“No. I’ve been there for about three years now. I just moved out here recently, and that’s why I need a ride.”

 

“Okay, cool. I’m in the producing side of things,” Blaine offers. “What do you do? We’ve never met before. I would remember if we had.” Oh, he totally would. Kurt is on looks alone someone that would be hard to forget.

 

“I’m a graphic designer, I do album covers and stuff for the website,” Kurt tells him. “I’m not too big on company Christmas parties and the like, so our paths haven’t crossed anywhere like that either.”

 

A silence follows, but now that Blaine’s allowed, he fills it gladly. He talks about the weather that’s been much warmer than is usual to September. They pass a café and he shares some anecdotes of the place, tells Kurt he should absolutely try it sometime. Kurt is not quite as vocal as Blaine, but he answers readily. The conversation is not one sided, but Blaine gets the idea that Kurt is trying to get a feel of Blaine, trying to figure out what to say to him and how, before actually saying anything. Blaine tries to appear easy-going and approachable. He feels the blue eyes on himself, taking note of details. Blaine can’t quite tell if Kurt is checking him out or just curious, because he has to focus on the traffic. He kind of wants to be chacked out by Kurt.

 

The small talk Blaine keeps up is nice and all, but Blaine really wishes Kurt would share something more of himself. They haven’t lapsed into awkward silences but Blaine can feel Kurt holding back, just giving general comments that don’t really mean much. Blaine wants his passenger to feel comfortable. He’s just not quite sure how to do that.

 

Then, Lady Gaga comes on the radio like a saving angel, because Kurt laughs a little when he hears the start of Bad Romance.  


“I used to worship her when I was in high school,” he says.

 

“Yeah?” Blaine prompts him to continue, eager to hear more.

 

“Oh, yes. I was in glee club, and we covered a couple of her songs there. This song in particular was an experience – I had a full-on costume and these sky-high heels... on…” Kurt trails off and bites his lip, his eyes widening.

 

“Okay, wow,” Blaine starts and notices how Kurt stiffens in his seat. “What a coincidence. I did glee as well in high school!”

 

It’s clearly not what Kurt was expecting him to say, because he practically slumps down with relief. Blaine thinks he understands what’s going on. They’re just a couple of strangers, and Kurt just admitted to wearing heels to him, a guy he doesn’t know. That kind of a remark might have unpleasant consequences in some company. Luckily for Kurt, it’s Blaine who’s driving this car, and not some idiot. They stop at a red light and Blaine turns to look at Kurt.

 

“Our club must have been a lot more boring than yours, though. We only ever wore our school uniforms. It might have been cool to dress up sometime, but there’s no way anyone would have allowed us to break tradition.”

 

“Oh, what kind of a person are you?” Kurt asks in a loud exhale. The words might be rude, but his tone is full of relief. “I thought I just confessed I’m a freak, and you don’t even bat an eye.”

 

Blaine shrugs. “Blaine Anderson, nice to meet you.”

 

That earns him a sweet laugh. “Nice to make your acquaintance. Kurt Hummel, at your service.” Kurt mimics a little bow.

 

“That goes both ways, seeing that I’m the one driving you,” Blaine says and winks. Now this, this is how you break the ice and make it melt away so that it won’t ever return.

 

A horn blares from somewhere behind them and scares Blaine. The light has turned green without him noticing, being so caught up in Kurt. He quickly gets going before any more honks come out. From the corner of his eye Blaine sees Kurt shake his head a little. He has a small smile on his lips.

What little is left of their commute goes fast as Blaine practically begs Kurt to tell the whole story about the Bad Romance with costumes. When they get close to their building, Kurt pulls down the shade to check himself in the mirror. Blaine turns a corner and glances at Kurt, wondering why he needs to fuss with his hair. It’s already perfectly in place, not a single hair falling from the pompadour. When they turn to the underground garage, there’s somehow a different air around Kurt. Blaine parks the car and looks at his passenger.

 

“Do you also need a lift back in the afternoon?” he asks.

 

“Actually, I’m meeting a friend right after work. But tomorrow morning I’d be happy to take advantage of your friendliness,” Kurt says.

 

Blaine swallows down an odd feeling that’s almost like disappointment. “You’re not taking advantage. I’d drive the same way anyway. Same time, same place?”

 

They exit the car and head towards the elevator. Kurt walks with confidence, his head held high. His shoulders seem that much wider suddenly. He’s only some inches taller than Blaine, but for whatever reason Blaine feels tiny next to him. Blaine’s mouth is dry, and he has no idea what to say. Their elevator ride is short, because Kurt gets off on the second floor with a sharp “see you tomorrow.”

 

The door slides closed before Blaine has a chance to answer.


	2. The Basics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to add to the first chapter that this story is nearly finished and I'll be posting a new chapter every Sunday or Monday. Also, even though I know what happens during the story, I can't seem to tag correctly on the first try...
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments, they make me happier than anything!

 

 

Blaine won’t try to lie to himself as he drives towards the grocery store parking lot on Friday morning. He’s really excited to see Kurt again, to get to spend the forty-minute commute with him. It’s nice to have company, someone to talk to, and Kurt is attractive on top of everything else. Blaine really wants to establish a friendly rapport with him. He wants to continue where they left off yesterday.

 

And there’s Kurt, coffee in hand and this time a dark blue scarf around his neck. His hair is just as high as it was yesterday, but his eyes are more tired, more vacant when he gets into the car. He barely glances at Blaine as he mumbles a good morning. Blaine tries to tell himself it’s early, that he’s not the reason Kurt is like this. Blaine gives the guy some time with his coffee and stays silent after the first greeting.

 

The silence doesn’t feel stifling, though. It’s surprisingly easy to just share space without saying anything, letting Kurt drink his coffee and listen to the rustling of his clothes as he lifts the cup to his lips. Blaine gives way to a woman to let her cross the street and breathes. He’s hyperaware of Kurt right next to him, but not in a way that’d be uncomfortable. He could get used to this, Blaine thinks, and then realizes maybe that is a real possibility. Kurt does need a ride to work. There’s no end in sight to their arrangement, at least not now. Blaine has all the time in the world to get to know Kurt, sit in the car with him, sharing these mornings.

 

“So,” Kurt starts after a while.

 

“You’re finally in the land of the awake?” Blaine jokes.

 

“Yes, I am. Sorry, I didn’t get much sleep last night. I don’t mean to be cranky.”

 

“No need to apologize,” Blaine says easily. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

 

“I was on the phone with a friend,” Kurt says. “She’s in New York. She’s an actress.”

 

Blaine whistles. “Wow, that’s awesome.”

 

“Yeah, well. I guess it has its perks, I get free tickets to plays every now and then,” Kurt says, but there’s something wrong in his tone. Blaine can’t quite put his finger on it. He files it away for later.

 

“Is your friend okay, if she’s keeping you up at night?”

 

Kurt snorts. “She’s dramatic. Like, even more dramatic than an average show person. We’ve known each other since high school, and she’s always been like that. Everything is about her, and if she has a tiny little problem, everything stops. She makes it seem like she’s the center of the universe.”

 

“So nothing’s exactly wrong with her?” Blaine asks. He’s not sure what to make of Kurt’s words.

 

“No, I guess this time she had a real problem.” Kurt doesn’t elaborate. Blaine figures out that it’s not for him to know. After all, this is the first time he ever hears of the girl. He thinks of a new topic to keep the conversation going.

 

“You’ve been to New York many times, then? For her and shows? I only went there once, and I wish I could go again sometime.”

 

“I lived in New York for a while,” Kurt says. Now there’s definitely regret in his voice, in his words. “Maybe I’ll go back for good one day.”

 

“If I may ask, what brought you to Columbus, Ohio?” Blaine wants to know, but he has to tread carefully. He doesn’t want Kurt to clam up and stop talking completely.

 

“It’s a whole mess of things, really. Long story. I’m here now, and that’s that.”

 

“It’s fine if you don’t feel like sharing. I’m just being nosy,” Blaine says.  “Sorry.”

 

“No, it’s alright,” Kurt says kindly.

 

Blaine burns with the need to get to know Kurt. He wants to sit down for coffee or dinner. It would be so much easier to look at Kurt when they talk, without distractions from the traffic and driving in general. But they have to work with what they have, and that is these car drives. Maybe one day Blaine wouldn’t feel awkward to ask Kurt for dinner. After work in downtown, maybe. Or lunch together in the coffee shop close to their offices. For now, Blaine has to keep the conversation going.

 

“Okay. Something lighter, then. Give me all the meaningless details, Kurt Hummel. How old are you? What’s your favorite food? Do you sing in the shower?” The last question is out of Blaine mouth before he thinks, and then he feels mortified. “Or well, maybe not that but…” He can feel his face grow red, and he has to pull a hand over his gelled hair.

 

Kurt laughs. The sound is delighted and clear, and Blaine wants to hear that sound always. “I actually do sing in the shower. And elsewhere, too. But I need you to tell me the same things about yourself.”

 

They manage to get through the basics. Kurt is twenty-five to Blaine’s twenty-six, and they both do sing in the shower, and elsewhere, too. Kurt loves cheesecake and Blaine likes cronuts. They are both originally from Ohio, Kurt from Lima and Blaine from Westerville. After a little while, they make the connection to glee clubs. Blaine can’t remember Kurt’s New Directions, but the name sounds really familiar. Blaine can’t quite figure out where he’s heard it other than in their competitions years and years ago. Kurt remembers Blaine faintly, the lead soloist of the Warblers. Kurt teases him that Blaine’s only forgotten because he’s bitter about losing to them. From there, the conversation flows easily into music. They both love music and musicals, which then leads to a rather heated debate on Wicked songs. It ends in an unpredicted manner, though, when Kurt decides to belt out Defying Gravity.

 

“You know, there’s only one way to convince you my song is the best there is.” And off he goes, singing like an angel. Blaine almost misses a turn because he’s entranced. He had no idea someone could do that. Just sing out a song in a scarily high key in a car during a commute as if he was on stage. Without even a proper warm-up! To say that Blaine is beyond himself is not exaggeration at all. He just wants to close his eyes and drown in that voice.

 

“You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard,” Blaine gushes into the silence that follows after Kurt wraps up the song. “And that’s saying something, because I produce music! Okay, I produce music _here_ , it’s not New York or LA, but still. I know music. I know singers. You. Are. Spectacular.”

 

Kurt blushes and smiles, clearly pleased.

 

*

 

In the next two weeks, they develop a pattern. Kurt rides with Blaine every morning except on Tuesdays. He has some commitment on Monday nights, so he comes to work later on Tuesdays – he has it all cleared out with his boss and Blaine is a little jealous.

 

In the afternoons they rarely have the same timing on anything. Kurt often goes to town to meet up with friends or to do some shopping, and Blaine’s schedule depends on several different factors. Sometimes he spends the afternoons elsewhere, meeting up with musicians or agents, and other times he’s locked up in a studio. Kurt says that he can take the public transport in the afternoons, because then he’s more awake and functioning. Mornings, on the other hand, are their time that Blaine grows to really like. Having Kurt in the car with him is often the best part of his day. Waking up has never been as easy and exciting as it is now, knowing that Kurt will be waiting for him on the parking lot, eyes bleary and coffee in hand. Blaine _likes_ Kurt.

 

Kurt always takes five to ten minutes after he gets in the car to just wake up. He sips his coffee and stares out the windshield with a faraway look in his eyes. Gradually he looks more and more awake, and then he starts to talk to Blaine about whatever. The weather, which turned cool and crisp almost overnight, or the reality show he watched the night before. Blaine in turn tells him about Sam, how he’s proud of his friend because he got a new gig in an ad that’s going to be all over the country soon.

 

One day Blaine tells Kurt how he forgot his lunch the day before and had to buy a sandwich from a deli across the street from McKinley. He warns Kurt to never go there, because the guy behind the counter was rude and something in his words had seemed to mock Blaine’s every move.

 

“Reminded me of an ex,” he confesses to Kurt. His first boyfriend, Jeremiah, had turned into a jerk towards the end of their relationship. Well, Blaine had only been in high school at the time, and Jeremiah had been older, in a different stage in his life. Still Blaine thinks that in the end he had been the more mature one.

 

There’s a silence, only the hum of the engine to be heard, and some low tunes from the radio. Then Kurt clears his throat. “Um, the _guy_ in the deli reminded you of your ex?”

 

“Yes?” Blaine is confused for a moment before it hits him. Kurt emphasizing the word guy is the key to this riddle. “Oh, yeah. How did I not mention this before? I’m gay, Kurt.”

 

They’ve talked out themselves, their friends and hobbies, by now, but never about this. Blaine knows the name of Kurt’s friend in New York – Rachel – but he has no idea of Kurt’s sexuality. Kurt has never said anything, and Blaine has been too busy being attracted to Kurt to even think about this consciously. Kurt might be gay, based on many things, but Blaine never wants to assume. Kurt is insanely attractive and out of Blaine’s league, no matter what his sexual orientation is.

 

“Oh,” Kurt breathes. “I, I am, too.”

 

Blaine’s heart misses a beat. He stubbornly decides to ignore it. “Okay. But seriously, we’ve talked so much in the last three weeks, how did this not come up once?”

 

Kurt hums. “Well, I bet there’s a lot we don’t know about each other yet.”

 

It sounds like a challenge. Blaine wants to know everything there is to know about Kurt. He wants to know Kurt better than Kurt knows himself. Challenge accepted, Blaine thinks, but only says, “You’re probably right. Three weeks is not that long.”

 

Even though he can’t really remember how it was before Kurt.

 

Kurt smiles and then proceeds to tell Blaine about Rachel, who has an idiot for a boyfriend, and how Kurt is annoyed that he has to listen to her whine about men. That was the reason for the phone call weeks ago, on the second morning of their arrangement, too.

 

“Rachel has it all,” Kurt says, and there’s again that tone Blaine recognizes from the other times Kurt has talked about Rachel. “And she calls me when her boyfriend doesn’t have enough time for her. I mean, it’s sad and all, I don’t think he’s good enough for her, but why me?”

 

“Maybe she doesn’t have another friend like you?” Blaine says. “She feels comfortable about sharing her concerns with you.”

 

“Usually I just wish she didn’t. She hardly ever listens to me about my problems!” Kurt huffs.

 

What kind of a friendship is that, Blaine wonders, but doesn’t say anything.

 

*

 

It’s Wednesday morning, and Kurt’s not at the parking lot where Blaine’s been picking him up. Blaine parks and gets out of his car to have a look around, but there’s no sign of Kurt anywhere. A cool wind blows past and some errant raindrops fall. It’s not raining properly yet, but it might come to that soon. Some people are going in the store, some are loitering around their cars, but the familiar slight figure in a dark jacket and a scarf is nowhere to be seen. Blaine checks the time from his phone. He’s not early. The numbers show 8.16. Kurt has always been on time, waiting and smiling when Blaine turns to the lot.

 

Blaine’s not sure what to do. They haven’t exchanged numbers yet, which is a really stupid move, Blaine realizes now that he’s standing in a drizzle wondering if Kurt is going to show up at all. But he can’t just leave. If Kurt is late and hurrying to get to him, it’d be really shitty for him to see Blaine’s taillights leave the parking lot. So Blaine gets back in his car, but doesn’t start the engine. He cracks a window open to avoid getting the windows all foggy, and settles to wait. They’ll both be late if Kurt doesn’t show up soon. Still, Blaine can’t find it in himself to be bothered by that. He just wants Kurt to show up and be okay. He needs to know why Kurt is late more than he fears being late. He’s always been punctual before – everyone’s allowed one slip up.

 

Five long, agonizing minutes later Blaine can see Kurt hurrying through the drizzle, messenger back on his shoulder but without the familiar thermos cup in his hand. Kurt heads straight to Blaine and gets in the car. He’s breathing heavily, and the rain has made his hair droop from its usual high position. His cheeks are red. There’s an actual raindrop hanging from the tip of his nose, and Blaine resists the urge to wipe it off.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt says after he caught his breath. “I slept through my alarm.”

 

“It’s okay. I’m glad that you’re here now and we can go on our way,” Blaine says brightly as he starts the car. “No harm done.”

 

“This is so embarrassing. Honestly, I haven’t overslept like that in years, and now I had to do it while you’re driving me!” Kurt sounds upset.

 

“Kurt, calm down. It’s okay. We won’t be late by much. If the traffic is fine, we might even be on time.”

 

“I didn’t even have time to make coffee,” Kurt says. He sounds almost heartbroken, and Blaine really feels for him. He suffocates the thought that Kurt is absolutely adorable like this. He’s not allowed to think that, he can’t do this to himself.

 

“You’ll have to brave the office coffee, I fear,” Blaine says.

 

“Ugh. Don’t even. That stuff is disgusting,” Kurt laments. “But, I really need to have your number. I can’t have this happening again with no way to contact you.”

 

Even though Blaine knows the reason behind Kurt’s words is purely practical, there’s a flutter in his belly. He even thought the same as he waited for Kurt – they need to have each other’s numbers in case something happens. The reasoning doesn’t take away the fact that Kurt is a really attractive person asking for Blaine’s number. That doesn’t happen too often.

 

“Absolutely. Take your phone out, you can save it right away and then text me so I’ll get yours.”

 

Kurt does as told, and Blaine can feel his phone vibrate in his pocket. He has Kurt’s number. He schools down the giddy smile that is trying to overtake his face. This is definitely a step in the right direction. He has a beautiful boy in his car, and now he has his phone number, too.

 

 

When they are almost there, Kurt begins another ritual of his. He always spends the first minutes of their drive sipping his coffee in silence, but also, when they get close to the office, he starts fussing with his appearance. His already impeccable and perfect appearance that makes Blaine all weak in the knees. This time it’s not meticulous and easy like it usually is. This time there’s an alarmed gasp when Kurt looks at himself in the mirror.

 

“Oh no. My hair is a complete mess!”

 

Blaine smiles at Kurt. “The pompadour might not be quite as high as it was yesterday, but you look fine nonetheless.” Blaine can’t really figure out any situation where Kurt wouldn’t look at least fine.

 

“Oh no, Blaine, no amount of nice words is going to make this fine.”

 

“Kurt.” Blaine hopes his voice doesn’t come out quite as fond as he feels. “It is fine. You can tell everyone about your disaster of a morning and no one will wonder.”

 

Kurt bites his lip and looks at Blaine. “I’ll take your word for it. If someone comments on it, I’m allowed to complain.”

 

“Deal,” Blaine says. He almost wants someone to comment Kurt’s looks, now, if it means Kurt might text him and complain.

 

 


	3. The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone and thanks again for the comments and kudos! They make me incredibly happy. 
> 
> I'm an impatient person when it comes to posting, and I'm currently writing a new story at the same time as I'm editing this. The new one got me all exited, so I just... really want to finish this one. That means I'll be updating more often from now on, probably about every other day or so.
> 
> WARNING for this chapter: talk about what happened to Blaine in his Sadie Hawkins, and what Kurt went through in Never Been Kissed. It gets a little heavy.

 

Kurt texts Blaine in the evening. Blaine puts away his guitar and reaches for his phone on the coffee table when it makes a noise. If a stupid, wide smile takes over his face when he sees the sender, there’s no one to witness. He’s alone at home. He’s allowed to look goofy. The butterflies in his belly turn wild and his fingers might be a little shaky as he opens up the text. He knows he’s not allowed to feel like this, he doesn’t want to be busted and make Kurt uncomfortable. He can have Kurt as a friend, maybe, and he’ll take that gladly.

 

{My colleague told me she almost didn’t recognize me when I walked in this morning. I felt humiliated, Blaine, and it’s all your fault.}

 

[Your colleague must be half-blind, then.]

 

Kurt doesn’t answer. Blaine reads the texts again and wonders if he was out of line. After ten minutes, Blaine picks up his guitar again and hums out a tune along his playing. It comes out melancholy and slow. Sometimes you just have to play slow, sad songs full of longing. You can’t always be happy and jumpy, even though that’s more Blaine’s style. He tries to tell himself that even though his exchange with Kurt was short, it must mean that they can text each other stuff now. Blaine’s glad Kurt was the first, because now he feels like he can text, too, without over thinking it too much.

 

*

 

The first word out of Kurt’s mouth the next morning in the car is _sorry_. He only spent a couple of minutes in his thoughts today before speaking.

 

Blaine glances at Kurt, cursing that he has to keep most of his attention in the traffic. “What?”

 

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to text you and then just stop, but my dad called and I was on the phone for an hour,” Kurt clarifies.

 

“Oh, no need to be sorry. Is your dad okay? That’s one long phone call,” Blaine says.

 

Kurt chuckles a little. “Oh, he’s fine. He’s planning a holiday trip for Thanksgiving, and was feeling bad about it, because it means I have to spend the holiday on my own. Like I haven’t done that before, anyway.”

 

“Well, it’s not nice to be alone on a holiday,” Blaine muses. “I usually go to my parents’ even though I know it’ll be slightly awkward every time. My dad can’t quite come to terms with my sexuality.”

 

“That’s awful!” Kurt sounds like this information is a personal insult.

 

Blaine shrugs as he stops on a red light. “Well, we get along. It’s just a bit strained, and it’s clear he never knows what to say to me. You’d think that he’s used to me being me, because I came out when I was fourteen. But, no. My mom is okay with it, though, so that’s good. I could have it worse.”

 

“That sounds bad enough,” Kurt mutters. “My dad has been my biggest supporter for all my life. Or course, I was scared shitless to come out to him in high school, but you know what he said? He said that he knew. He told me that he suspected from the moment I was three and wanted a pair of sensible heels for my birthday. I cried, and he hugged me. He’s always been on my side, and he always will be. I don’t know where I’d be without him.”

 

“Your dad sounds awesome,” Blaine says as the light turns green again.

 

“He is,” Kurt agrees without a pause.

 

“I’m kind of jealous,” Blaine laughs. “I could have used that kind of attitude when I was younger.”

 

Kurt is silent for a moment. A happy pop song plays in the radio, somehow out of place. Blaine can feel the question coming, but Kurt doesn’t say anything.

 

“Go on, what is it?” Blaine asks after a while.

 

“You don’t have to answer me if it’s too much, but… how was coming out to you?” Kurt’s voice is timid.

 

“Well, it was okay in some ways and awful in others. I told my brother first, and he took it in stride. Then I told my mom, and she seemed a bit shocked at first, but then she came to my room and we talked. It was fine. Dad… well. Dad didn’t speak to me for a week or so. Then he came up to me and told me he’d found an old car on sale somewhere and wanted to rebuild it with me.”

 

“Wait, what?” Kurt asks when Blaine takes a moment. “He… came up to you with a car after not speaking to you for a week?”

 

Blaine lets out a humorless laugh. “Yeah. That’s exactly what he did. And we tried to work on that car all summer long. Made some progress, but never actually got it running. I think it was dad’s attempt to make me straight. Get me to do some manly work.”

 

“Like that actually would work,” Kurt snorts. “I know my way around a car, but that does not make me less gay.”

 

Blaine has to turn to look at Kurt. “You know about cars? I have no idea why that is a surprise, but it still is.”

 

“You’re not the first to say you’re surprised. I don’t look the part,” Kurt says. “I dress fashionably, I style my hair, and I sound the way I sound. High school was hell, and I’ve come to realize that stereotyping doesn’t end there. But, to actually answer you, my dad’s a mechanic. I helped around at the garage when I needed money.”

 

“I get the feeling that I’ve got the most interesting man in all of Ohio sitting in my car,” Blaine says and hopes it doesn’t come out as smitten. He wants them to be friends. Okay, he wants more, but he can’t want more – he must keep his distance.

 

Kurt barks out a laugh. “Me? I’m not going to be that interesting once you actually get to know me. Do you think I should stop answering your questions just to stay as a mystery to you?”

 

“No, I want you to answer me! Tell me more about your dad,” Blaine demands right away.

 

And Kurt does. He tells in a fond voice that his dad, Burt, owns a garage in Lima and looks like your stereotypical mid-western mechanic. Burt doesn’t have stereotypical values, though: he supports the arts and was in politics for a while just to help fight homophobia and make his son’s life better that way. Burt is the kind of father who sat through tea parties with his son and his toys even though he didn’t really know what he was doing. Blaine keeps listening, and even though he’s never met Burt Hummel, he can’t help but be in awe of the man and Kurt’s relationship with his father. It’s something Blaine can’t even imagine having. Kurt doesn’t say a word about his mother, though.

 

“You clearly love your dad,” Blaine says when Kurt stops talking. Blaine kind of wants to ask about others in Kurt’s family, but he thinks there’s a reason Kurt doesn’t mention them. It would only be natural to share about mother and siblings as well as father. Blaine decides to let Kurt keep his secrets a little bit longer.

 

“I do,” Kurt says without a hint of hesitation. If someone asked Blaine the same, he’d have to think on his answer longer. “And I realize that not everyone is as fortunate as I am. I love my dad and I tell him that. I try to make it back to him as often as I can, and I call him every week.”

 

“I have to say I admire that, Kurt. Parents are not always easy, and even though I really care about mine, I like to keep my distance. I talk to mom on the phone every once in a while, and I make it to them on the holidays, but that’s it. I know they care about me, too – my dad can’t really say it, but he did pay a lot to get me into a safe high school. And he helped during college. We just… we’re better when we see each other in small doses.”

 

“Safe high school? I know I’m prodding, feel free to tell me whatever is off limits.”

 

Blaine gives Kurt a short smile. “No, it’s okay. Since we’re on the topic anyway, and there’s still some time to kill. You told me high school was hell. We didn’t grow up that far from each other, so for me, it was the same until I transferred.” This story hurts to tell even though it’s been over ten years. He wants to tell it, though. He wants Kurt to know. This right here, this is a moment, they are breaking walls left and right, and Blaine can feel growing closer to Kurt every second. This morning is important to them, a turning point somehow. They’re past the superficial and getting into deeper stuff.

 

“I take it there’s a reason for your transfer?” Kurt says gently when Blaine doesn’t continue.

 

Blaine swallows. “Yeah, there is. There was a dance, a Sadie Hawkins, in my school. I had just come out at the time, and there was one other boy that was out. I asked him to go with me, as friends. We were never together. I think neither of us was even ready to think about something like that back then. It was great, Kurt. It was amazing to walk in with a boy, to dance with a boy, and even though there were some nasty words and looks thrown our way, we let it slide. It couldn’t touch us. But then. We had decided beforehand that we wouldn’t stay late, just in case. We were waiting for his dad to pick us up, when some upperclassmen appeared out of nowhere.” Blaine takes a deep breath and plunges in. He can still see the silhouettes of the guys emerging from the shadows between school buildings, heading towards him. “They beat us up pretty bad. I’m talking hospital bad. They… they were suspended for a while, but there was nothing else that could be done. No one seemed to care. ‘You’re gay, so this is what your life will be like’, they seemed to say. We both ended up transferring schools, and I never heard about him after.”

 

“Oh, Blaine. I’m so sorry,” Kurt breathes out. He sounds choked. “That’s terrible. You were just a kid!”

 

Blaine nods. He feels drained. “So yeah. They got the better of me. I ran. I let them win. But I can’t say I regret that, because Dalton was safe and I had friends there. I was the lead of the glee club, and most of all, no one cared about me being gay.”

 

“What do you mean, you let them win?” Kurt asks. Blaine can’t quite figure out the tone of his voice. He also doesn’t understand why Kurt decided to pick that particular part of his statement to a closer inspection.

 

“I didn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t fight it. I just let everything happen and then hid away in Dalton. It’s all just ignorance, Kurt. They bully because they don’t know, because they feel uncomfortable with difference.”

 

“Blaine, you cannot be serious right now.” Kurt’s words are stern and clipped, almost angry. Blaine doesn’t know what he did wrong.

 

“That’s what it is.”

 

“You… you cannot say that you let them win. You can’t think, you just really can’t, that there was anything you could have done. You did the right thing when you transferred. Protecting yourself is not weak or running away. You are allowed to protect yourself and keep yourself safe, Blaine! Even though those idiots could have used some educating, it was not your job to educate them. You had to consider your own well-being.” Kurt is furious, his words full of passion. “Pull over. I need you to look at me.”

 

Blaine finds a proper place stop and pulls over by the sidewalk, stops the car. He can’t look at Kurt, though. He stares right ahead and wonders however this conversation turned into this. He’s not quite sure what got Kurt so worked up. Blaine’s just being honest, and he didn’t say anything offensive, did he?

 

“Blaine, please, look at me.”

 

Slowly, hesitantly, Blaine turns and gets caught in Kurt’s blue-gray eyes. Kurt’s eyes that are shining suspiciously. Kurt is biting his lip. Blaine can’t breathe. He feels like he’s drowning in Kurt’s eyes, in the feelings he can see there.

 

“You do realize that you’re not a coward, right?” Kurt says then, his voice quiet. “You do realize that you chose the best possible option in an awful, awful situation? How can you say that you let them win, when you saw a chance to get to safety, and took it?”

 

“I…” Blaine doesn’t know what to say. Because he really was a coward. He did let them have their way instead of fighting for change. And no one has ever made him think any different. No one but Kurt, here and now.

 

“Blaine, saving yourself is never the wrong choice. Never. If I’d had that choice, I would have taken it in a heartbeat without ever looking back and thinking of it as a wrong move.” Kurt reaches for Blaine’s hand that is gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles are white. Kurt’s skin is soft, his touch shy and light, but it’s there. His pale fingers are cold against Blaine’s. “Just something for you to think about, okay?”

 

Blaine nods, staring at their hands. Kurt moves away, and Blaine misses his touch instantly. He feels lost. He has no words and too much to think about.

 

“This turned a bit too heavy before nine am,” Kurt says then. “But I want you to think about that, Blaine. I really do. You are allowed to look out for yourself. Not every wrong in this world is something you have to change.”

 

“Thank you, Kurt. I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me before.” Blaine feels like crying, but he controls himself.

 

“They should have. They really, really should have. But now you have to drive, I think – we’re going to be late otherwise, again. I can’t be late on two days in a row.”

 

Blaine lets out an uneven chuckle. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”

 

 

When they get out of the car after Blaine’s parked in the garage, Kurt looks at Blaine for a long time. He doesn’t say anything, but something passes between them. Blaine’s not sure how he’s going to manage to think about music after this, but he’ll make do, somehow. He also realizes that even though he asked about Kurt, he ended up talking about himself more.

 

Next time, he would make Kurt talk.

 

*

 

[Hey, for the record, which Marvel Chris is your favorite?]

 

Blaine found that Avengers is on tv that evening, and he can’t help texting Kurt about it. He wants them to text random things to each other – he wants that kind of friendship with Kurt. He also wants to forget their conversation from the morning, at least for a moment.

 

The reply comes a few minutes later. {I’ll have to go with Evans.}

 

[Boo. Too predictable!] Blaine smiles to himself as the texts back. This he can have.

 

{Oh, so you think your pick is better than mine?} Blaine loves Kurt’s sass.

 

[Chris Pine. It’s the eyes.]

 

{Eyes? What are you, twelve? Or don’t you know how to appreciate a great male body?}

{Also, what’s wrong with Hemsworth?}

 

[Too much muscle. He’s scary big.]

 

{Oh yeah, I forgot – you’d probably be scared standing next to him, you tiny thing you :P}

 

[Is that a joke about my height, Hummel?] Blaine bites his lip. He’s enjoying this way too much. This is the best possible way to spend an evening. Superheroes on television and Kurt texting him about hot guys. Even the joke doesn’t sting when it’s Kurt.

 

{It could be. But for the record, I agree. Hemsworth’s too big.}

 

*

Blaine watches the movie, goes to bed and keeps tossing and turning. Kurt’s attitude from the morning, his kind but firm words come back and won’t let him sleep.

 

No one has ever really told Blaine anything like that. That he’s worth it, that taking care of himself isn’t wrong. He knows the situation was bad, he remembers the fear too vividly. Still, all these years, he’s seen himself as the coward who let the idiots get their way. Blaine left, and they could live their little lives as if nothing had changed. It still makes Blaine angry. Maybe he should have stayed just out of spite, just to show others that the world is diverse and they can’t do anything about it. But he didn’t. He left, scared and locked up tight behind his walls. He refused to be in the closet, and Dalton really proved to be a safe haven, but the next time Blaine ever really trusted anyone was when he met Sam in college.

 

Now, he seems to trust too easily, considering what he told Kurt, a virtual stranger still, even if they’ve been commuting together for weeks. There’s just something about Kurt that makes Blaine trust, makes him want things. Blaine hasn’t met anyone like that before – he’s never reacted this strongly to anyone, not even Jeremiah. Kurt makes Blaine want to confess all his secrets. Kurt makes Blaine want to touch and caress and learn every inch of him, and give every inch of himself away in the process.

Blaine shuts his eyes and decides to not think anymore.

 

*

 

Nothing’s really changed the next morning when Blaine picks Kurt up from the grocery store parking lot, even though Blaine feels fundamentally different.

 

 Kurt is again wearing a red scarf and holding his travel mug in his hand. The wind has his cheeks red and he shivers a little as he gets in the car. Even though this has become normal already for both of them, something feels different now. The small smile they share before Blaine drives off to the road is like an unspoken agreement. The talk they had yesterday was an important point to their relationship. Blaine knows he’s not done thinking about Kurt’s words, and he can’t quite let go of the thought that he took the easy way out when he transferred. What he knows now is that Kurt cares. Kurt wants Blaine to look at things from a different perspective – a perspective that’s probably more kind towards Blaine. It’s something no one has tried before. And, consequently, it makes Blaine’s feelings for Kurt grow so fast he’s not sure what to do with himself.

 

Blaine knows he has some issues with his self-esteem. He’s almost sure of their origin, as well – his relationship with his brother has always been really competitive, and Blaine has never really felt like enough compared to anyone. He knows he has some talent in the singing and performing department, but Cooper is the one in LA with several commercials under his belt, and now a new soap opera. Blaine knows he got good grades in school, but Cooper was the charmer and everyone either wanting him or wanting to be him. Somehow the attention Cooper got from everyone always felt more powerful than any grade Blaine got years after his brother graduated. Blaine even knows that he’s attractive, but he’s not as attractive as Cooper, and for whatever reason that is a deal breaker. Blaine knows that his father’s silent disagreement about homosexuality is another point that makes him feel like shit about himself sometimes.

 

Kurt clears his throat, and Blaine comes up from his thoughts. He doesn’t remember taking any turns or paying any attention to traffic, but he seems to be on the familiar route. He was that deep in thought.

 

“You know, after yesterday, I feel like I should tell you part of my story in exchange,” Kurt says.

 

“Oh, this is not a thing we have to trade,” Blaine says with a smile. He means it even though he really wants Kurt to talk. “But if you want to, I’ll be glad to listen whatever you choose to tell me.”

 

“What, we can’t share war stories of our adolescence as gay and bullied?” There’s a smirk in Kurt’s voice, but the words take the smile away from Blaine’s face. Kurt had said that high school was hell, but to hear the word bullied strikes something in Blaine. High school is more or less hell for everyone, but being bullied isn’t something every teenager has to live with.

 

“Of course we can,” he says, trying to regain some sort of lightness. Instead, the words come out way too tender. He curses himself.

 

“So, here we go, then. As I told you, my high school was hell. The only bright thing for me was glee and my friends there, even with all their drama – it was like a soap opera in there! But everywhere else, I was a target. I didn’t exactly blend in with my looks or my clothes or my voice. Or my sexuality. People thought I was gay before I ever came out – and oh, the irony, because the first person I came out to was probably the only one who did not believe what they whispered in hallways. She had a crush on me. Luckily that didn’t break us, we’re still good friends. But Blaine, I didn’t exactly pass. I still don’t, but I think it was even more glaringly obvious back then.”

 

Blaine can hear a tone of self-deprecating in there, but he doesn’t say anything. He lets Kurt talk, even though a part of him wants to interrupt to tell Kurt that he’s the most attractive person Blaine has ever met. Blaine hazards a look towards Kurt, whose eyes look somewhere far away. His profile is elfin, fine and delicate, but still masculine with a strong jaw. Kurt is a work of art. Blaine kind of wants to run his fingers down that profile.

 

“The jocks were on my case constantly. They threw slushies to my face – to all the glee clubbers’ faces, actually – and managed to ruin half of my wardrobe. We all got that, but I was the only one they pushed into lockers on an almost daily basis. I used to have bruises all the time. It got really bad during my junior year. I have an idea what caused it to suddenly escalate, but I don’t know why I suddenly reacted stronger than vefore. I lost my will to fight back. It got to me. Before, I just let it slide away. I didn’t let them get through, even though it hurt to be thrown in a dumpster…”

 

“Wait, hold on a second,” Blaine stops Kurt. He can’t listen without interfering. “Thrown into a dumpster? How did they get away with it? That is just so wrong on so many levels.” He has never heard of slushies in someone’s face before, either, but locker shoves he can remember too well. Kurt’s school seems to have been extreme.

 

“Yeah, well. They were the kings of the school, and I was just a small thing. The glee club stood up for me, but it wasn’t nearly enough, and they weren’t there all the time. I managed it okay until junior year.”

 

“What happened junior year?” Blaine asks. He feels terrible for young Kurt being abused like that.

 

“There was this one jock in particular. Large guy, bigger than me in every direction, and angry, so angry. He had always targeted me, but suddenly the attention got even more intense. Then, one day, he decided to push my phone out of my hand in the hallway. I decided that if no one was going to stand up to me, I had to do it myself. I followed him to the boys’ locker room. I can’t really remember the details anymore, I guess I’ve blocked it away.”

 

Blaine holds his breath. Was Kurt beaten up as well? They have more in common than he ever thought when he first answered Kurt’s note for a ride. He feels awful, not sure if he wants to hear the rest, but at the same time, he needs Kurt to continue more than he needs to breathe.

 

“What I do remember is yelling in his face, but the exact words are lost. Then, I only remember small snapshots of it, but he kissed me.”

 

The breath Blaine was holding leaves in a loud exhale. “He what now?”

 

“Yeah,” Kurt says. His voice is hollow, but not breaking. “He kissed me, and then he tried to do it again, and I pushed him away.”

 

“Oh my god, Kurt. That’s… that’s just. I can’t even imagine.”

 

“That’s not the end of my story, though.”

 

“There’s more?” Blaine asks in horror. He hurts for young Kurt, his insides ache.

 

“That was my first kiss with a boy. And the next day he pushed me again and told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone.” The calm way Kurt says it betrays how deeply that hurt then, and still does. He’s too calm, too collected. Blaine wants to stop the car, get out and take Kurt in his arms. He can’t repair damage that was done years ago, but he needs to make it better for Kurt somehow. Words don’t seem like enough. Nothing is enough, and never will be. No word will take away the hurt and fear Kurt had to go through. He reaches over to smooth a hand down Kurt’s arm.

 

“Oh, Kurt. I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. Tell me there were consequences to this? That he didn’t just get away with it?”

 

Kurt snorts. “This is where my story aligns with yours. He got suspended for two weeks. The school couldn’t do anything more.”

 

“But… that’s sexual assault, Kurt!” Blaine is enraged at the injustice. “He should have been charged for that.”

 

“Yeah, well.” Kurt takes a deep breath. “You’re actually the first person I’ve told the whole story. I never told anyone that he kissed me before. I only told them about the locker shoves, and the threat to kill me.”

 

“But…” Blaine can’t speak. He’s speechless, lost and confused. Also honored in some really, really twisted way that after all this time he gets to be the person Kurt tells this, finally, after keeping it to himself for a decade. This all tugs his heartstrings, almost makes him tremble with the weight of it all. “Why?”

 

“I don’t believe in outing people, Blaine, no matter what kind of people they are. And he was deep in the closet at the time. He came out later, and last I heard he was happily in a relationship with a man. The grapewine still works even though high school is far behind us.”

 

Blaine still feels like he’s fuming. “I really respect your high morals. I wouldn’t have been able to do what you did, I think. But I still feel terrible for you. That’s a grim secret you’ve been keeping, Kurt. Thank you for telling me.”

 

“Thank you for listening. Thank you for being on my side.”

 

“Like there is any other possibility!” Blaine exclaims. “You’re the victim here. You’re the one who suffered. Of course I’m on your side.”

 

“Well, he didn’t have it exactly easy either, being so scared of himself. But I really don’t want to talk about him anymore. I’m glad I could unload.”

 

“Whenever you feel the need, I’ll listen,” Blaine promises. He means it with all his heart and soul. He loves helping people, but having Kurt’s trust is a high he’s never felt before.

 

“Thank you, Blaine.” The words sound like they are coming from somewhere deep, from the bottom of Kurt’s heart. Blaine feels warm with Kurt’s gratitude.

 

The rest of the drive is silent. The things they’ve now told each other hang heavy in the air, and Blaine curses the fact that they’re trapped in a car. He wants to reach over, pull Kurt close and hold him there forever. Tell him that he’s brave, smart and impossibly kind. Tell that Kurt’s beautiful, inside and out.

 

When they get to the McKinley garage and leave the car, Blaine grabs Kurt’s arm. “Hey – just. Come here.” He pulls Kurt into his arms and squeezes him softly before moving away, not daring to stay too long. He has time to process the light scent of Kurt’s cologne and hairspray. Kurt’s hand slides down his shoulder and arm, a comforting gesture. They share a look before wordlessly moving on to the elevator.

 

This man is going to be the death of Blaine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Oh, and yeah, the opinions of the characters are in no way mine when it comes to the Marvel actors ;)


	4. Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos, they mean the world to me!

 

Blaine is happy to get home in the afternoon. It’s Friday and he has a full weekend of nothing ahead. The last couple of days have been emotionally draining, and he hasn’t had time to really process everything he’ talked about with Kurt. On top of that, he’s in the middle of negotiations with a new musician, a singer called Santana Lopez, and she’s not an easy client. He needs all his wits around when dealing with her and her debut album. It doesn’t help that his mind is occupied with Kurt on every spare moment he has.

 

He locks the car and heads inside only to stop in his tracks. There, on his porch, stands Cooper with a wide smile and open arms.

 

“Finally, Squirt! It took you forever to get home!”

 

Blaine hugs his brother briefly before stepping back and looking at him in the eye. “What are you doing here?” He doesn’t bother with niceties, because Cooper never does.

 

“I have next week free, and I thought I’d pay a visit to my brother and my parents. It’s been a while.” Cooper beams as if this is the best news ever.

 

“Okay. And it didn’t cross your mind to call in advance and let me know?” Blaine asks stepping around Cooper to get to the door. He digs out his keys, takes a deep breath and opens the door. He was looking forward to his downtime, and now he has to deal with his brother.

 

“Well, it was a last minute decision. I just booked a flight and got here.” Cooper follows him inside, drops his bag on the floor and strides in. He looks around as if he’s never been to Blaine’s house before. He has, even though it’s been about nine months. “You haven’t changed a thing!”

 

“Actually, yes I have.” Blaine painted the hallway after his ex moved out, and bought a new bed just to get rid of the relationship that used to exist in these rooms. He didn’t have enough money then to do much else, and little details like reorganizing his bookshelf and CDs seemed to do the trick. Blaine drags a hand down his face as Cooper disappears upstairs to claim himself the second bedroom. He really, really doesn’t want to deal with his brother right now. He wanted to watch trashy television and eat pizza and daydream about Kurt, and then take a long walk around the neighborhood before bed.

 

“What’s for dinner?” Cooper asks as he comes back downstairs.

 

“Take out. I’m too tired to cook today,” Blaine says and heads to the kitchen to find menus for his brother. “Whatever you want is fine.”

 

They settle on Chinese, and Blaine sets out utensils while they wait for the food to arrive. Cooper blabs about this and that, about the soap opera he’s been cast in and his co-star in it, a lovely young lady with dark skin and darker eyes, and a sense of humor that Cooper can’t really get enough of. It’s odd to think that his brother is closer to forty, because he still acts like a twenty-something. Blaine lets his brother talk. It’s the easiest way to spend time with Cooper – letting him talk and only hum in the proper places. Cooper hardly ever notices. This time the talk he’s been giving is heading to dangerous waters, though, and before Blaine can distract Cooper to continue about his beauty of a co-star, the dreaded question pops up.

 

“Hey, you seeing anyone new yet?”

 

“No,” Blaine says and can feel himself blushing. He turns his back to Cooper to dig out some beer from the fridge.

 

“Your ears are red. What are you not telling me? Is there a man in your life?”

 

Blaine thanks whatever deity might listen because the doorbell rings right after Cooper’s question. “Can you get that? You can pay since you turned up unannounced.”

 

Cooper grumbles but does as he’s told anyway. Blaine sets the beers on the table and hopes beyond hope that Cooper forgets about his question during the exchange with the food courier. He hates those kinds of questions, who doesn’t? But especially because he can’t hide a thing. His face tells all the stories he wants to keep inside, and Cooper is a master at reading him. There’s no one, and Blaine is not lying to his brother, but Cooper will be able to tell that there’s _something_. He will be able to see that Blaine wants there to be something. Kurt is nothing but a co-worker that’s surely turning into a friend. But he is nothing more no matter how much Blaine wishes he was. Blaine is not ready to share him with Cooper, maybe not ever, certainly not now when they are barely friends yet.

 

“Here comes the food!” Cooper announces as he brings the cartons to the kitchen. “Now tell me, who is it that you have your sights on?”

 

“No one.” Blaine grabs a carton and peers inside. Chicken dumplings. He sits down and gestures Cooper to take the chair opposite of him.

 

“You’re not fooling anyone, Squirt. Go on, tell me. Who is he?” Cooper is this persistent about Blaine’s things rarely. Usually only when it concerns Blaine’s love life.

 

Blaine knows the only way to get his brother to stop his inquiries. It happens to be spilling the truth. “Can we not?”

 

“Okay. There is definitely someone. Have you been seeing him long?” Cooper starts eating but keeps staring at Blaine. “You never tell me these things, come on.”

 

“I’m not seeing anyone.”

 

Cooper looks at him with narrowed eyes as he chews before speaking. “But you want to be.”

 

Blaine gives up. “Yeah.” It’s better to admit it out loud. He wants Kurt. He wants Kurt like he hasn’t ever wanted anyone – except maybe Jeremiah in his teenage heat. But that doesn’t count.

 

“So, tell me about him. Who is he? Where did you meet? Oh, is this one of those crushes that you haven’t even talked to and still know he’s the one?”

 

“Oh God, Cooper, I hate you,” Blaine moans around a dumpling.

 

“Does this mean you’ve never even spoken to the guy?” Cooper asks. His face is serious and his blue eyes are keen on Blaine’s face.

 

“I’m not fifteen anymore, Cooper. I talk to him every morning as I drive him to work.”

 

Cooper seems confused by this information. He eats in silence, eyes never really leaving Blaine’s face for long. Blaine tries his best to ignore him.

 

*

 

The miracle of Cooper actually dropping the subject lasts until late, when their movie ends and Blaine yawns. He wants to go to bed and sleep until Monday morning. His brother’s company is exhausting, so that on top of Santana during the day is really getting the better of Blaine. He’s about to get up and head upstairs when Cooper starts talking.

 

“Why are you driving a guy to work?”

 

It was too good to be true that Cooper would have let it go completely. “Because he moved somewhere close by but doesn’t have a car. He works for McKinley as well, as a graphic designer.”

 

“Does he have a name?” Cooper asks next.

 

“Kurt.” Blaine can’t help a small smile as he says it. Damn his face that never learned how to hide emotions.

 

“Ooh, Squirt, you are so gone.” Cooper cackles and hits Blaine on the shoulder.

 

Blaine really, really does not appreciate his brother.

 

*

 

On Saturday Cooper wants to go for a walk, and after that they drive closer to downtown for lunch. Cooper is full of stories about filming and the grandeur of LA. Blaine listens even though he’s heard half the stories so often that he could probably tell them just like Cooper. Blaine wants to hit his head to the table once Cooper starts to flirt with their waitress who is probably at least fifteen years younger than Cooper. She seems to like the attention, though, and when Cooper tells her he’s an actor, Blaine can practically see her interest growing exponentially. When she leaves with their orders, Blaine gives Cooper a stern look.

 

“You are not allowed to bring visitors to my home.”

 

The restaurant is rather calm, so the waitress has way too much time to loiter around their table. Blaine’s pretty sure that Cooper talks to her more than to him. He wants to ask what the point is. Why is Cooper here, if he’s not in the least interested in Blaine? Except for his love life. Cooper only wants Blaine to talk about things Blaine doesn’t want to talk about. Cooper hasn’t asked once about his work. When Blaine tries to tell him about Santana Lopez and this new deal, Cooper turns around in the middle of Blaine’s sentence and asks the waitress for a refill.

 

In the evening Cooper exclaims that he has to check out the night life of Columbus. He pleads and prods until Blaine relents, and out they go. Blaine is the one driving, so he spends his night with a soda and watching his brother get drunker and drunker. Cooper dances with several people, kisses a girl’s cheek and gets a slap for his trouble, and then gets a bit too cozy with another girl for a slower song, but she doesn’t mind it like the first one. Finally, at two am, he drives them home and tries to not wince at the volume of Cooper’s singing. He’s surprisingly not that bad even though he’s drunk off his mind, he stays in tune and his voice doesn’t break on any note. It’s impressive, because he can’t talk properly anymore. Blaine has to half-carry his brother to bed, and in a petty revenge does not leave him a glass of water by the bedside table.

 

They both sleep in the next morning, though Blaine still wakes up three hours before Cooper drags himself downstairs. He looks awful, his hair is sticking up everywhere and his eyes are swollen. He smells terrible until Blaine forces him into the shower. The rest of the day goes by with Cooper complaining about getting too old and Blaine telling him to grow up. Blaine is still a bit tired and cranky, but at least he doesn’t have to deal with a hangover.

 

“What is your travel plan, anyway?” Blaine asks Cooper as they have settled in front of the tv after eating dinner. “How long are you staying?” Blaine’s not sure he can take Cooper during the week.

 

“I was thinking about going to see mom and dad for a few days tomorrow,” Cooper says. “I have a flight back on Thursday afternoon.”

 

Blaine breathes out his relief. He doesn’t have to babysit his older brother all week long. It nice to see Cooper, but the feeling doesn’t last. Blaine likes Sunday night best, because they end up watching tv and singing along to the commercials. This brother he could take, this is the brother he likes.

 

*

 

Blaine barely gets his eyes open Monday morning. One movie with Cooper had turned into two, and then he didn’t get his brain to shut up when he finally got to bed. He can’t remember the last time he was this tired. He leaves a note to Cooper, telling him to send his love to their parents, before he takes his messenger bag and gets out of the house.

 

He almost drives over a guy on a bike as he turns towards the grocery store and decides that this morning he is not fit to drive. He spots Kurt on the parking lot and drives to him, stops the car and gets out. Kurt looks surprised when he steps out of the car.

 

“Blaine, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m just tired as hell. Are you good to drive?” Blaine asks. The chilly wind wakes him up a little, but not by much. It just makes him cold, the nasty kind of cold you get when you’re really tired.

 

“Yeah?” It comes out more like a question, but Blaine deems it good enough. He shoves the keys to Kurt’s hand and Kurt fumbles not to drop them. He’s eyes are round and he’s staring at Blaine like Blaine just did a cartwheel.  


“Great. Then you drive while I sleep a little more, okay?” Blaine walks around the car and sits down on the passenger seat without waiting for a reply. He is so tired he can barely see.

 

It takes Kurt a while to get his bag on the back seat and then sit down behind the wheel. He has to adjust the seat, because his legs are so much longer than Blaine’s. Blaine looks at him through his lashes, leaning against the seat and feeling already half asleep. He mumbles a thank you to Kurt when Kurt starts the car, and then he sleeps.

 

*

 

“Blaine? We’re here,” a soft voice says sometime later. Blaine can’t bother to open his eyes. It’s so nice here, so warm. He’s in the fuzzy state somewhere between sleep and awake, closer to asleep. They can’t be at work yet, he only just closed his eyes five seconds ago. A gentle hand shakes his shoulder.   


“Blaine, come on, wake up.” If only Blaine could wake up to that voice every morning. But he doesn’t want to wake up, not quite yet. He feels so nice right where he is, he doesn’t want to move an inch.

 

“Blaine, honey. We’re going to be late if you don’t open your eyes.” A cool fingertip taps on his nose.

 

It’s the endearment more than anything else that gets Blaine to open his eyes and meet Kurt’s. The blue-green of them is full of warmth. There’s a soft smile on Kurt’s face. He’s beautiful. Blaine returns the smile. He can’t deal with Kurt while he’s still not properly awake. It’s unfair. No one is supposed to be so beautiful.

 

“Okay, ‘m up,” Blaine mumbles and smacks his lips together to get them to work.

 

“Then you should get up. We’re here, time to face the day.”

 

“Not ready yet,” Blaine whines. He rubs his eye a little and sits up from the slump he’d fallen into while sleeping.

 

“Come on. Time doesn’t stop no matter how much you want it to,” Kurt laughs and opens his door. Blaine blinks a few times before following. He stands on heavy feet and tries to get his body and mind to work. He hates sleeping in a car, because it leaves him disoriented and aching from an odd position. Also, he’s cold after the comfortable warmth of the car. He sways a little on his feet.

 

Kurt gives him his messenger bag and laughs at him. “Okay, sleepy head, do I need to escort you to your floor or can you manage?”

 

Blaine takes the bag with a small smile and nods. “I can manage. Thank you.”

 

Kurt offers him back the car keys, and their fingers brush as Blaine takes them. Blaine wants to hold that hand to his, but he can’t. He’s not allowed – they are only just friends. He can’t deal with Kurt being all pretty and attentive and sweet while Blaine’s still processing the fact that he has to be awake and alert.

 

“So, are you okay? You’ve never been like this before,” Kurt says as they walk to the elevator.

 

“I’m fine. My big brother decided to make a surprise visit this weekend, and he’s a bit of a handful,” Blaine says. “He always leaves me exhausted by his antics.”

 

“You have a brother?” Kurt asks. They step into the elevator and he presses number one, then number three for Blaine.

 

“Yeah. He’s eleven years older than me, yet I always feel like I’m the one babysitting him. He’s an actor, lives in LA and does mostly commercials, though he booked himself a daytime soap just now,” Blaine explains. “He thinks the world revolves around him.”

 

“Oh, is he in anything I might have seen?” Kurt asks then.

 

“Probably, he’s done a lot.” Blaine doesn’t have time to say anything more, because the elevator stops and Kurt has to step out. They exchange quick ‘have a good day’s before the doors slide closed again and leave Blaine alone.

 

*

 

The week passes in a blur. Blaine is having trouble with Santana, who wants to do everything a certain way, and Blaine can’t convince her that he knows better, it’s his job to know better. He knows Santana could make it big, her voice is sultry and slightly raspy, and she knows how to use it. He wants what’s best for her, but she is stubborn and gets mean when things don’t go the way she wants to. She wants to have a hand in everything, even though she doesn’t know everything about everything. Blaine feels like ripping his hair out half the time. The other half he spends trying to tell himself not to get upset with Santana’s biting comments about this being her album and his hobbit gelmet must keep quiet.

 

His mother calls on Tuesday to ask if Blaine could come to dinner. It’s not often that Cooper visits, and she wants to have the whole family around the same table. Blaine hates to let her down, but he has no other choice. Work keeps him busy, the works overtime every day because dealing with Santana has him late on everything else. On top of that Sebastian keeps suggesting they work on Santana’s album together, and that is something Blaine won’t do. He will not take Sebastian on – he doesn’t want to work with Sebastian, and getting Santana to the same room with him would only end in disaster. He doesn’t even want to think about it – he knows those two would be at each others’ throats.

 

The best parts of his days are the mornings with Kurt, the inane conversation that doesn’t stray into serious topics at the moment. In the afternoon Blaine texts Kurt, silly little things, internet quizzes and a cute cat video. Those minutes are the only things that get him through the week with his sanity intact.

 

Friday morning finds him stressed and frustrated. He’s happy the week is over, and this time there will be no Cooper behind his door. He finally got through to Santana about the back-up arrangements yesterday, and he feels cautiously hopeful about the whole affair. Kurt brings up Blaine’s mood before even finishing his coffee.

 

“You seem a bit better today. Did your brother finally leave?” Kurt asks.

 

“Oh, he left on Monday already,” Blaine says. He must have forgotten to tell Kurt that.

 

“But you’ve been really tired and quiet all week. Is everything alright?” The genuine concern in Kurt’s voice touches Blaine.

 

“Yes and no, actually. Work has been difficult this week,” Blaine admits.

 

“Anything you can share?” Kurt asks.

 

Blaine sighs. “There’s this new client, we’re working on her debut album, and she’s a handful. She doesn’t take my comments, she doesn’t like anything I suggest, and on top of that she’s unnecessarily mean to me all the time.”

 

“You’re working with Santana Lopez then, right? Didn’t she make a deal with McKinley just now?”

 

“How did you know?” To say that Blaine is surprised is an understatement.  He hasn’t talked about work with Kurt, not once. He hasn’t mentioned Santana, that’s for sure.

 

“Just sounds like her – especially the being mean without reason. We went to high school together, and she was in glee with me. She was mean even back then. Her girlfriend was probably the only one she didn’t tear into shreds on a regular basis.” Kurt chuckles a little. “She had a mean nickname to everyone. But deep down, she really cares. She’s prickly and she has a way with words, but she’s a decent person underneath all the snark.”

 

“Not to forget talented and gorgeous,” Blaine adds.

 

“Yeah, never forget that,” Kurt jokes. “You just have to have a thick skin with her.”

 

“I’ve noticed,” Blaine retorts with a scoff. He can feel Kurt’s eyes intent on him, and glances over with a question in his eyes.

 

“She really knows what to say to hurt someone. I’ve been on the receiving end of her rant more than once. But you shouldn’t let it get to you too much. You can tell her when she’s out of line. Or, what the hell, call me to come up and give back just as good as she does.”

 

“Oh, are you saying that you have a way with nasty words as well, mister Hummel?” Blaine teases. The sentiment behind Kurt’s words was a bit too much suddenly. He has to joke it away before he reveals himself and makes things awkward.

 

Kurt laughs. “Why, yes, I know how to use language to my advantage in several different ways.”

 

“I’ll have to keep that in mind,” Blaine muses. The conversation is edging into something that resembles flirting, and Kurt is not backing out. It leaves a giddy feeling in Blaine’s belly. Maybe he has hope for something more here?

 

“You know what, you deserve a treat after dealing with Santana all week,” Kurt says, and the change in tone leaves Blaine almost dizzy. “You should come over, let me cook for you.”

 

Blaine can feel his heart beating double-time in his chest. “Wait, really?” He stares right ahead, thinking about the traffic and nothing else. There are three red cars driving in front of him, oh wow, three reds in a row.

 

Kurt just asked him to dinner.

 

“Yes, really,” Kurt says, parroting Blaine. “I’ve wanted to make some lasagna forever, but it’s stupid to cook that for only one person. If you’re not too drained, you should come over tonight.”

 

An evening with Kurt. At Kurt’s place, having dinner together, spending time somewhere that is not Blaine’s car. Spending time together without a time limit. Blaine can barely hear anything from the blood rushing in his veins.

 

“That sounds all kinds of wonderful,” Blaine manages to say. He’s glad his voice sounds relatively normal.

 

“Great!” Kurt sounds delighted. “Is seven okay? I’ll text you the address, though it’s not far from the grocery store. It’s the apartment buildings right behind it.”

 

“Seven’s good,” Blaine says. He still can’t quite believe his luck. Kurt asked him for dinner. No matter what Santana says to him today, his good mood will last.

 

 


	5. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for comments and kudos! You have no idea how happy they make me.

 

It’s not a date, Blaine thinks to himself as he agonizes over his clothes and contemplates calling Tina for advice. The day passed so slowly it’s a miracle he ever made it home, but now time has suddenly started running ahead and he will be late if he doesn’t decide on a shirt and get dressed. He got home with enough time to shower and drink some coffee, but he never realized that he has no suitable clothes in his closet. Kurt is always so put together in his tight jeans and scarves, his hair always upswept and impeccable. Nothing Blaine can do will measure. He has gelled his curls into submission – he actually hates how the gel feels but his hair is awful without – and chose dark jeans, and he really only has one pair of shoes he dares to wear to Kurt’s, but… how is he supposed to find himself a shirt? Also, there’s a bowtie to consider. He doesn’t wear them every day like he used to in college, but they are still his favorite accessory. He glances at the time and freaks out. Six fifteen. He needs to hurry.

 

It’s not a date, Blaine tells himself as he drives by the store and buys a bottle of red to go with the lasagna. He finally chose a red shirt to wear, and went with plain black bow-tie. He breathes deep, checks the address Kurt texted him during lunch, and heads to the buildings right behind the grocery store.

 

It’s not a date, Blaine thinks after climbing three flights of stairs to burn some of his nervousness, only now he’s slightly out of breath and he has to wait until he can knock on the unassuming, light brown door with the number 12 on it. His heart is beating too fast, too loud, and breathing gets harder by the second instead of easier. It’s not a date. It’s just dinner with Kurt, at Kurt’s, as people who work in the same place and are becoming friends.

 

Blaine knocks on the door.

 

Kurt opens it almost right away, and there’s a happy smile on his face. Blaine aches with the urge to kiss that smile, but he settles with smiling back. Kurt looks amazing in his tight pants and light blue button-down. He’s donned on it a dark vest that accentuates his waist and shoulders. Blaine wants to devour him – push him against the door and make him tremble.

 

“Welcome!” Kurt greets, his voice high. He clears his throat slightly. “Did you find the place alright?”

 

“Yeah, it was surprisingly easy,” Blaine answers as Kurt lets him into the apartment. He can smell the cheese of the lasagna in the air, as well as something sweet and pleasing underneath. It’s warm inside, but not stuffy.

 

“You can take off your shoes,” Kurt informs him. The smile still hasn’t left his face.

 

Blaine nods and spends a moment thinking which socks he has on. They are dark purple, dark enough to look black or brown in dimmer light, and he guesses they’re not too awful. He’s not going to embarrass himself. Then he remembers the wine that’s still tucked under his arm.

 

“Oh, here. I brought a little something,” he says and offers the bottle to Kurt.

 

“Ohh, thank you! This will go nicely with the food,” Kurt beams. Their fingers touch as he takes the bottle from Blaine, and Blaine shivers. “Let me just take this to the kitchen.”

 

 

Blaine stands a bit awkwardly next to his shoes once he gets them off. The walls are off-white, light but still warm. There’s a tiny antique table by the coat rack for keys, and a round mirror hangs on the wall on the opposite side. Kurt disappeared somewhere on the left, so that’s probably the kitchen. They both seem a bit out of their depth, Blaine thinks. This is new territory. The car is familiar by now, it’s their space and they have established each other and their roles there. The texts are always light and easy, but they have time to react to them without the other seeing. This, here, is something new and different, and they’re not sure how to act. At least Blaine isn’t.

 

Kurt comes back to him, still smiling, wiping his hands down his thighs. “I took the lasagna out of the oven, but it’s way too hot to eat right now. A small tour, then food?”

 

“That sounds good. You said that you just moved. How long have you lived here?” Blaine asks as Kurt gestures him forward.

 

At the end of the hallway there’s a fabric dividing the space, and behind it is the small and cozy living room that has an open view to the kitchen. The walls are the same off-white, the fabrics rich reds and oranges and browns with some blue highlights, like the small decorative pillows on the couch. Blaine thinks that the couch looks perfect for cuddles. There’s also a nicely sized tv, not too large for the room but not tiny either. Next to the tv stand there’s a bookshelf half full of books, magazines and decorative knick-knacks. Right across from the doorway there are large windows looking out into a park. On the right hand side there are two closed doors.

 

“I moved in early September, about a week or two before our arrangement began,” Kurt says. “I tried taking the bus, but it was awful, and with this apartment I can’t afford a car, at least not right now. So, I ended up putting that note on the intra.”

 

“It’s so beautiful here,” Blaine says. “It doesn’t look like you’ve lived here less than two months. You’ve really done wonders with the place.”

 

Kurt preens a little at his words, cheeks pink. Blaine yearns to pull him close. He settles for a light touch on Kurt’s arm, friendly and easy. He’s a tactile person, and not touching isn’t really an option right now.

 

“Thank you. Interior design is kind of a hobby, I guess. It was great to have a new place to do something with. So, this is the living room. There’s a bathroom back in there,” Kurt gestures towards the hallway, “and those two doors are the bedrooms. I use the extra one as a drawing and sewing room.”

 

“You sew as well. Talented in all possible artistic things, then? How does that work?” Blaine teases gently. Kurt can sing like an angel, he has an eye for design in more than one area, he cooks, and he sews? Blaine wouldn’t be surprised if Kurt suddenly declared he’s painting portraits during the weekends. He can’t quite understand how one person can be that talented in one thing, much less in several.

 

Kurt laughs. “Well. I can’t help it, really.”

 

“Okay, spill your secrets, what in the world you can’t do?” Blaine asks as Kurt leads them to the kitchen. The tiles are a bright citron yellow, and the table is painted white. The kitchen is not too big, maybe two thirds of the size of Blaine’s, but it looks well equipped and everything has its own place. The table is set for two, the lasagna is cooling on the counter next to the stove and there’s a light salad on a bowl on the table. Kurt pulls out a chair and Blaine sits down with a smile. He can’t help but touch Kurt’s arm gently in thanks. It’s odd to keep himself in check with Kurt. All he wants to do is touch, touch, touch. Kurt seems physically reserved, always keeping his space, and Blaine does not want to make him uncomfortable. But he can’t help himself, especially now that he’s not driving.

 

“Well, I don’t really do sports? I dance some, but I have no idea how football or baseball works,” Kurt offers. “Even though, in high school, when I was freaking out about my sexuality and dad’s feelings about it, I joined the football team. I was the kicker in one single game, the only game we won that semester.”

 

“You are full of surprises, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine says as Kurt serves lasagna to his plate.

 

“I’ve been told I have a lot of layers,” Kurt quips with a raised eyebrow and flicks a finger to the collar of his vest.

 

Blaine laughs.

 

 

It’s probably the best night of Blaine’s life. The food is delicious, and he keeps telling Kurt that until Kurt blushes and demands Blaine to stop inflating his ego any more. They talk and laugh and share anecdotes from their lives. Blaine tells Kurt about college, about Cooper, and Kurt in turn talks about his father and the actress friend Rachel.

 

“She was impossible in high school, Blaine, you wouldn’t believe. She once quit glee because Mr. Schuester didn’t give her a solo in a competition! She was obsessed with being a star, but then again, that obsession got her to Broadway.” Kurt swirls the wine in the glass and suddenly he looks thoughtful.

 

“I take it you didn’t like her much back then?” Blaine asks.

 

“No, I really didn’t. I hated her, how self-centered she was, how she got all the solos because Mr. Schuester was a pushover. Then something changed. I can’t really pinpoint when it was, but we just realized we have more in common with each other than with anyone else, and became best friends. Even then she made me doubt myself and why I spent so much time with her. Well, I still wonder, sometimes.”

 

“You’ve told me about her before, but she’s that much of a handful?”

 

“Yes, and more! You don’t know the half of it.”

 

“So tell me more,” Blaine prompts right away, intently looking into Kurt’s eyes.

 

Kurt laughs. “Ooh, I know a good one. The time we went to get tattoos.”

 

“You’ve got a tattoo?” Blaine exclaims. He never would have thought.

 

“Yeah. It was our act of rebellion, fueled by alcohol because we got scared on the last second. I was supposed to have a text _It gets better_ , but I was sloshed and messed it up. It turned out as _It’s get better_ instead. And Rachel, the idiot chickened out anyway! She didn’t get one, and I had a spelling mistake on my shoulder blade!”

 

“Oh god, Kurt – I never saw that coming,” Blaine says, chuckling. “You really don’t seem like the type to do something like that.”

 

“Like I said, my one act of rebellion. I went back there, to complain, and got it changed to _It’s got Bette Midler_. It was in that shape for a while until I decided to cover it up for good with something that’s actually better,” Kurt tells Blaine.

 

“What did you get?” Blaine is beyond curious now. He almost wants to ask Kurt to show him, but that would mean Kurt getting rid of his shirt, and Blaine doesn’t really feel that bold yet.

 

“A blackbird. It turned out pretty nice, but I’m not getting another tattoo, not ever.” Kurt looks Blaine in the eye with an amused gaze that makes him feel warm from his ears to his toes. They are sharing something, together, at Kurt’s table.

 

These little epiphanies keep coming to Blaine in moments like this. He really is here. He’s here, with Kurt, and sometimes their feet bump into each other under the table. The touch makes Blaine’s legs tingle every time it happens. Blaine can’t take his eyes off Kurt, and Kurt seems to be looking back. The wine has made Blaine feel mellow and happy, and Kurt laughs easily and often. His eyes are soft and his smile shows an adorable dimple.

 

Suddenly Blaine realizes he has leaned over the table, and their faces are really close. They have gravitated towards each other during their meal, closer and closer to the other. The proximity is overwhelming when he notices it, and Blaine pulls back a little like he’s been woken up from a spell. Kurt blinks rapidly and gets up.

 

“Dessert! I made cheesecake!” his voice is loud and out of place.

 

Blaine just nods like nothing feels weird, and tells Kurt cheesecake sounds like the perfect dessert to end this meal. Kurt retorts that cheesecake is the best dessert whenever. Blaine decides to remember that.

 

After the heavenly cheesecake they end up on the opposite ends of the couch, wineglasses in hand. Kurt puts on some music, something nice and instrumental on low volume. This isn’t a date, Blaine thinks as he raises his glass in a small toast towards Kurt, even though as the night progresses, he starts to feel more and more like there’s something there. There’s tension in the air like there’s never been in the mornings they’ve shared. Everything feels intimate and electrifying.

 

“So, Blaine, tell me, what brought you here? To Columbus, to McKinley?” Kurt says.

 

“Well, I went to college here,” Blaine tells him. “I got lucky, because I got an assistant job at McKinley a month after graduation. I got some help from my parents and bought a house about two years ago, settled in, and then made my way up to producer last winter.”

 

“The higher ups must really like you. You’re young,” Kurt says. There’s a smirk on his face, a teasing glint in his eyes.

 

Blaine shrugs, stares at his wine glass. “One of the other producers is into me,” he confesses softly. “I don’t mean to brag. He just doesn’t keep it a secret. He might have something to do with it. He’s… a character. I have to keep telling him I’m not interested.”

 

The smile has disappeared from Kurt’s face. He takes a sip of wine before speaking. “Why aren’t you interested?”

 

 _Because I have you in my car every morning._ That’s not what he can say, though. “Why should I be? He just wants to get into people’s pants. He’s not a relationship person. He’s some kind of evil, too ruthless to be likeable,” Blaine says. “To be honest with you – I want a relationship. Casual things just leave me feeling empty.”

 

At that Kurt nods. “Same here.”

 

“You’re not seeing anyone?” Blaine dares to ask. They are on the topic, and he can sneak it in without it being too weird. He’s wanted to know this since the moment Kurt sat in his car.

 

Kurt shakes his head and Blaine feels hot. Kurt is single. If Blaine only could gather his courage and make his move about now… He shifts closer to Kurt on the couch, not much, but still. This could be it. He could kiss Kurt and tell him that next time dinner would be on Blaine, since Kurt cooked this time. Then Kurt gets up from the couch and goes to the window. There went that chance. Blaine can almost physically feel Kurt withdrawing into himself.

 

“My ex… kind of left me mad. Don’t they always, you might ask, but... I guess I’m not exactly over him even though it’s been years,” Kurt tells to the window.

 

He’s not turning to look at Blaine. Blaine resigns. They are friends. This is not a date. You never talk about exes on the first date, that’s a rule. Kurt’s making it clear by moving away and confessing this that they are just friends. Blaine wants to make his way over, wrap his arms around Kurt from behind and pull him against his chest, but Kurt’s shoulders look somehow defensive. It’s clear he wants space, clear that he doesn’t want Blaine close.

 

“What did he do?” Blaine asks. He can be a good friend and listen, no matter how it hurts to be rejected. Kurt needs a friend, and so does Blaine. They can be friends despite how Blaine feels. Blaine sets his glass on the side table because his hands are shaking and his grip feels too weak.

 

Kurt laughs bitterly, still facing the window. “It’s complicated. Really, it’s such a mess. We were together for years, and it just blew apart. I… I can’t talk about this. I’m sorry, I ruined a nice evening.”

 

Blaine swallows the lump in his throat. He’s not sure how to proceed. “It has been a nice night.”

 

“I… maybe you should go.” Kurt turns around and looks Blaine in the eye. He looks tired, like there’s a great weight on his shoulders. He stands straight, his shoulders squared, his head held high. He looks unattainable, cold, beautiful.

 

And so lonely.

 

Blaine wants to protest. He wants to tell Kurt to talk, to relieve some of the weight. He wants to tell Kurt that he’ll listen, no matter how long it’d take to tell the story. But Blaine wants a lot of things, and he can’t have everything. So he just gets up. “Okay. But I really enjoyed myself, Kurt. Your dinner did what it was meant to do – I didn’t think about the Santana situation once.”

 

Kurt’s smile is hollow. “Glad I could help.”

 

I wish I could help you, Blaine thinks, but he can’t say it out loud. There’s a sudden wall between them, Kurt has pulled himself away and the connection is gone. Kurt has put up a front, just like he does every morning when he checks his hair and his clothes before leaving the car. He’s perfectly put together, armor in place, and he’s something you get to admire from afar but cannot touch. The warm, happy and approachable person from fifteen minutes ago seems like a fever dream, something that Blaine made up.

 

Kurt sees him to the door. Blaine dares to pull him into a short hug as he thanks Kurt for the food. Kurt returns the gesture, but stays as far away as possible. Before Blaine can think about it any more, the door is open and he steps out. Kurt smiles again, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

 

“Good night,” Blaine says as the door closes.

 


	6. Grief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for discussion of Finn and his death.
> 
> Thank you again for kudos and comments!

 

Blaine sleeps awfully. He wakes up several times, and his thoughts won’t leave him alone. He feels lost and heartbroken. Kurt made it clear that he doesn’t want Blaine, and it hurts. Still that’s not Blaine’s biggest concern. He wants to know what troubles Kurt. He wants to see beyond the façade, he wants to be the one Kurt trusts enough to share his past. Kurt already has. Kurt told him about the bullying, about the kiss forced upon him – something he’s never told anyone about. But it’s not enough. With Kurt, Blaine feels like nothing is enough. He craves for more, he wants to know all Kurt’s secrets and then some.

 

In the morning he absolutely has to send a text to Kurt, just to check if everything is okay.

 

[Thanks for last night, again. You’re a great cook] Something innocent, not too pushy. Blaine knows Kurt wouldn’t answer well to pushy.

 

It takes about half an hour before Kurt answers.

 

{Thank you for coming. I’m sorry I ended up ruining the mood.}

 

[No worries. I only regret that I couldn’t help you. You can talk to me, you know, about anything. I’ll be here]

 

{It’s fine. See you Monday.}

 

Blaine looks at the last text for a while. It’s an end to the conversation, nice but efficient. Kurt doesn’t want to talk. Blaine tugs his hair that he left ungelled – he’s not planning to go anywhere today. Was he too forward anyway?

 

*

 

On Monday, Blaine is nervous as he drives to pick up Kurt. He’s probably more nervous than he was that first time. Half of him is scared that Kurt won’t be there. It wasn’t a fight, but Blaine still feels like he should apologize just to get Kurt on his good side again. He’s not sure what went wrong. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked about Kurt’s relationship status after all.

 

Kurt is there, in his usual spot with his usual coffee travel mug and a bright blue scarf. He has a sheepish expression on his face when Blaine pulls up next to him. Blaine offers him a small smile through the window before Kurt climbs in.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says and takes a huge gulp of coffee, which seems to burn – his face turns red and his eyes water as he swallows. “Ooh, hot coffee.”

 

“You… are you okay?” Blaine asks with a grimace. This isn’t a good start.

 

“Yeah, yeah. It was just… too hot.” The sheepish expression returns. “I’m still not properly awake.”

 

Blaine can’t help a fond chuckle that escapes his mouth. “Take a minute. We have plenty of time before we’re there.”

 

About ten minutes later Kurt sighs. He’s ready to talk. It took him slightly longer today than usually, but Blaine’s fine with it. He’s itching for Kurt to talk, but he can be patient when needed.

 

“So. Let me start over. I’m really sorry about Friday. We had a great night and then I turned all moody and drove you away. It’s just. Relationships are a bit of a touchy subject for me. I don’t have the best track record.”

 

“It’s completely okay, Kurt,” Blaine says, keeping one eye on traffic and trying to look at Kurt at the same time. “You just have to tell me if I’m out of line with a comment or a question. I won’t get mad – you have a right to say that something is off limits.”

 

“Yeah, but you don’t mean any harm with your words. I realize that. It should be okay to talk about these things with your friends.”

 

Blaine feels warm all over, and a smile breaks out on his face. They are friends. Not just friendly people who work at the same place. They are friends, and this is the first time either of them has said it out loud. It feels good, even if Blaine wants more than friendship. But he can take this, he totally can, because having Kurt as a friend is better than no Kurt at all. This is the most Blaine will probably ever have, and he’s so happy about it.

 

“We are friends, Kurt, no matter what we talk about or don’t talk about,” Blaine says. He’s happy, he’s over the moon that Kurt was the one to call Blaine his friend.

 

“Yeah? Yeah,” Kurt agrees. Blaine can see a small, almost shy smile play on his lips.

 

They’re fine.

 

*

 

About two weeks later, after mornings featuring heated discussion about Project Runway and another about how they prefer their coffee, Kurt looks dead on his feet as he climbs in the car. It’s a Wednesday in the beginning of November. Most of the trees have lost their leaves and the sky is overcast. There’s a clear chill in the morning air, and Blaine shivers as Kurt closes the door and a cool gush of air pushes in. Kurt doesn’t say a word, barely nods in Blaine’s direction.

 

Kurt falls asleep not three minutes into the drive. Blaine doesn’t even notice it at first – he’s used to Kurt’s silence in the mornings. He only realizes something’s different when he can hear Kurt’s heavier breathing. He glances over and almost drives into the curb. With a soft swear he straightens the car’s path, and looks over again.

 

Kurt’s eyes are closed and he has leaned his head back into the headrest, face slightly turned towards Blaine. His mouth is parted and he’s not quite snoring, but his breathing is clearly audible. His lashes seem long against his pale cheeks. He’s still holding on to his coffee mug, but it’s tilting dangerously towards his lap. That’s not good, lid or no lid. Blaine reaches out a hand to take the mug before it gets upside down, and places it between his legs for lack of any other spot where it would stay upright.

 

Blaine makes a conscious effort to keep looking at the road ahead, but his eyes stray to Kurt’s sleeping form too easily. Kurt looks peaceful and completely knocked out. Blaine has to sneak a look every couple of seconds, he really can’t help it. Kurt is beautiful, a work of art. Tall and slight, strong and brave, and so, so guarded. Blaine can’t help but admire Kurt more and more every day, with every detail he gets to find out, with every little thing Kurt gives him. Kurt must be either really tired or then he trusts Blaine – Blaine really can’t see the carefully kept-together Kurt falling asleep somewhere he feels the least bit uncomfortable. For Kurt to fall asleep in Blaine’s car is a clear example of how far they’ve come in a short time: Kurt feels safe enough here, in Blaine’s company, that he can let go. He is the most vulnerable a person can be, asleep next to another in a moving car. Blaine’s glad to be given this kind of trust.

 

They are about halfway to work when Kurt suddenly jerks violently awake and rubs a hand down his face.

 

“Morning,” Blaine greets him gently.

 

“Hmm,” Kurt mumbles and stares out the windshield with a puzzled, just-woke-up expression. “How long was I out?” he asks, voice still thick with sleep. It’s lower than Blaine’s ever heard it and makes Blaine feel things.

 

Not okay.

 

“About twenty minutes. Sleep well?”

 

“Surprisingly well. Where… where’s my coffee?” Kurt clears his throat and sounds little more like himself.

 

Blaine can feel the heat rising up his neck as he gives the travel mug back to Kurt. “I took it for safe-keeping. It seemed like it might end up on your lap otherwise.”

 

“Thank you,” Kurt says.

 

They stay quiet for a while, Kurt sipping his coffee. Blaine gives him time to wake up, but at the same time he hopes they have enough time before they’re at work to ask Kurt if everything is alright. He needs to know Kurt is okay. He wants to know why Kurt is so tired. He always takes his time to be alert in the mornings, but this is extreme. There are bags under his eyes.

 

“So,” Blaine says to check if Kurt’s ready to talk.

 

“So?” Kurt asks.

 

Blaine takes a deep breath. “Did you have a late one last night or something? You’ve never fallen asleep here before.”

 

“It’s always hard to sleep this time of the year,” Kurt says slowly. “It’s… Today is my brother’s…” He falters, searches for the right words. Blaine hides his surprise. Kurt has never mentioned a brother before, not with one word.

 

“It would be my brother’s birthday today. He’d be twenty-five.”

 

Blaine doesn’t miss the modus Kurt uses. “Would be?” he says gently, softly.

 

“He passed when we were nineteen.” Kurt’s voice is quiet, almost a whisper.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Blaine says, shocked. No wonder Kurt didn’t say anything. The memory clearly hurts still. Also, was he a twin if he was the same age as Kurt? But then… then this would be Kurt’s birthday as well, and Blaine knows that is in the summer, Kurt told about it to him once. Blaine’s not sure what to make of this all.

 

“It was years ago, so I’m… I’m past the hardest grief. It just returns on special days. It’s like I just celebrated his birthday with him, even though he’s been gone for, god, six years now.”

 

“That’s only natural,” Blaine says. He’s not sure what to say. He’s only ever lost his grandparents, and he wasn’t very close with any of them to begin with. He’s never even thought about grief or loss that much.

 

“Yeah, I know. Doesn’t make it any easier.” Kurt sighs. “He was such a great person. He… he knew how to get people to work together, a real leader. He could be a little thick sometimes, but he was genuine and he cared about the things that are important.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Kurt. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to lose a brother.”

 

“It’s hard is what it is.” Kurt starts to put himself into place as they are getting closer to McKinley. Fiddling with his hair, retying his shoelaces. He has on combat boots that reach his knee and make his legs look impossibly long. “I’ve come to terms with my loss.”

 

“If you ever want to talk about him, I’d be glad to hear,” Blaine says.

 

That earns him a small smile. Blaine counts it as a victory. “Thank you. Maybe sometime.” 

 

Kurt is still keeping his cards close to his chest. Blaine wishes that some day Kurt would show him everything. It’s frustrating that Kurt keeps these things from him even though they have brushed some really hard topics already, even though Kurt knows he can trust Blaine. But Blaine feels like it’s not his place to make demands. Kurt will come to him when he’s ready, and that might be never. Blaine just has to take what he can get.

 

“Can you… can you maybe give me a lift home this afternoon?” Kurt asks when Blaine parks the car. He sounds almost shy.

 

“Of course,” Blaine says right away. “It’d be my pleasure.”

 

“Thank you. I’ll meet you down here?”

 

Blaine spreads his hands. “You know where the car is,” he jokes. He goes for flippant, but he knows the smile on his face betrays how happy he is with this turn of events.

 

Kurt gives him another small smile before they get out of the car.

 

*

 

They meet up after work by Blaine’s car. Blaine is running a little late, it took forever to wrap things up with Sebastian yapping in his ear, but he managed. Kurt is already by the car, absorbed in his phone.

 

“Hey. Sorry I’m late, I hope you haven’t waited too long,” Blaine says as he unlocks the doors and shoves his bag on the back seat.

 

“Not too long, no. I was texting to dad, checking on him.” Kurt lifts his phone up a little as he speaks.

 

“Is he okay?” Blaine asks and opens the driver’s door.

 

“Yeah, he’s okay, it’s Carole I’m more worried about.”

 

They get in the car. Blaine puts the key into the ignition before turning towards Kurt. “Carole? You’ve never said anything about a Carole before.”

 

“She’s my step-mom. And yes, Finn was my step-brother, not an actual brother. I only dropped the prefix years and years ago.” Kurt tucks his phone into his pocket. “My dad and Carole got married while we were in high school. Actually, a mortifying story – I was the reason they got together.”

 

“What’s so mortifying about that? That sounds nice.” Blaine asks and starts the car. This explains the age thing and odd birthdays. A step-brother, not a twin born few months later.

 

Kurt chuckles. “I did it because that would get me closer to Finn.”

 

“…and that means what exactly?”

 

Kurt heaves a sigh. “I had this huge crush on Finn back then. I just got out of the closet, I was bullied and tossed around. He was the star of the school, quarterback of the football team. He… well, he was among the jocks that bullied me. But he showed some compassion. And then he joined glee, and we actually got to talk a little, and yeah. I was a teenager full of hormones and feelings and he was the one that everyone wanted.”

 

“Kurt Hummel, you set your father up with the mother of your crush?” Blaine has to clarify. Okay, that can be seen as mortifying.

 

Kurt laughs. “Yes, I did. And turns out the parents fell in love, whereas me and Finn, well. Finn was one of the straightest people there ever were.”

 

“You had some weird logic as a teen, Kurt.”

 

“Totally did,” Kurt says easily. “But I own up to it. I’ve learned to laugh at myself over the years.”

 

“Well, I’ve had my moments, too,” Blaine says. “The outcome was slightly different, though.”

 

“Okay, tease. Tell me!” Kurt demands. He seems to want the distraction of a story.

 

“I serenaded my crush at his working place with Robin Thicke’s When I Get You Alone, backed up by our glee club. It was a Gap, there were people shopping there! I have no idea why I ever thought that was a good plan. Okay, we did end up together, but… he didn’t really see my gesture as romantic. He thought it was embarrassing as hell and didn’t speak to me in three weeks after.”

 

“Way to go with the song choice,” Kurt murmurs.

 

“I know!”

 

“How on earth did you two end up together after that?”

 

“I went to apologize. He, kind of grudgingly, agreed on a date. Looking back, I have no idea why. We were together less than a year, but still several months. By the way, he is the ex I told you about – mean like the guy at the deli?”

 

“Oh wow, Blaine.”

 

“I know!” Blaine says again. He notices how Kurt’s eyes seem clearer, his expression lighter, and feels accomplished. He learned a lot about Kurt today, and managed to make him feel better, too.

 


	7. Old Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for kudos and comments! Keep 'em coming, they are better fuel than food ;)
> 
> A short chapter, this time...

 

Kurt still seems more subdued than usual on Thursday morning, even if Blaine entertains him with stories. Blaine thinks it’s only normal to feel grief during certain days. Kurt may be a little distracted at times, staring into space, but it’s okay. Blaine gives him space, lets him be. He doesn’t want to push. If he can make Kurt smile with something completely silly, he calls it a win.

 

Thursday night Kurt sends Blaine a text telling him that he won’t be coming to work the next morning. Blaine asks in return if everything’s okay. Kurt deflects answering by telling him he’s heading to Lima to see his family. Blaine notices that it’s a non-answer but lets it slide. He can only hope that Kurt will come to him when he feels like it. He’s concerned, but he can’t really do anything, especially if Kurt doesn’t want to tell him what’s wrong.

 

Soon after the exchange with Kurt, Blaine gets another text, this time from his friend Sam.

 

/Hey dude I’ll be there tomorrow. Can I still crash at yours?/

 

[Of course. Welcome!] Blaine had completely forgotten that Sam was coming over this weekend. It was agreed on ages ago, but Blaine has been preoccupied to keep track of time.

 

Blaine can’t wait for the weekend now. He last saw Sam during summer, when he spent a couple of months in Columbus. It’s awesome to get to spend time with his friend.

 

They found each other early on in college. Sam’s easy going nature and good looks pulled Blaine right in. Blaine even crushed on him a little in the beginning, but he got over it fast. Sam is such a straight boy with constantly changing girlfriends and bad table manners, but he has never been awkward with Blaine’s sexuality. Blaine even confessed the crush, but Sam took it all in stride and it seemed like they got even better friends after that. They spent countless hours playing video games and watching movies and being nerds all the way until Sam decided college wasn’t for him and left to try to be a model. He succeeded, too.

 

Friday rolls around, and before Blaine knows it, Sam rings his doorbell with a duffel bag in tow. Sam hugs Blaine without reserve, as glad to see him as Blaine is to see Sam. They get comfortable on the couch with a couple of beers.

 

“So, what’s new in life, Blainey?” Sam asks.

 

“Not much,” Blaine says, even though he really wants to gush about Kurt to Sam. “I just got a new client to sign and even agree on things, even though it was quite a fight.”

 

“So, it’s just work, work, work,” Sam hits him on the shoulder. “No play, at all?”

 

“Not really, no. But there is something I want to talk to you about.”

 

This perks Sam up right away. He sits up straighter, a smile tugging his wide mouth. “Ooooh!”

 

“Sam!” It’s Blaine’s turn to hit his friend on the shoulder. “I just made a new friend.”

 

Sam looks at him with narrowed eyes, but doesn’t say anything.

 

“He moved close to here, and needed a ride to work. He’s a graphic designer at McKinley,” Blaine tells Sam and tries to keep himself from being over-the-top about it. “He rides with me every morning.”

 

“And you like him,” Sam says easily.

 

“Yeah, I do.”

 

“How come you haven’t talked about this before? Blaine, man, you have to keep me up to date! What’s his name?”

 

“Kurt. Kurt Hummel,” Blaine tells Sam a little too eagerly.

 

Sam’s mouth opens in surprise, and his eyebrows rise towards his shaggy hair – no longer blond like in their college days, but brown. Blaine looks at him in question. Why is Sam making that face?

 

“Kurt Hummel? I guess there aren’t that many guys with that name,” Sam ponders. “I went to high school with a Kurt Hummel. A pale guy, fancy clothes?”

 

Blaine nods, stunned to silence.

 

“He ever tell you about glee club? New Directions?”

 

“Yeah,” Blaine breathes. Suddenly it clicks where he heard the name before. When he and Kurt talked about glee all that time ago, the name had been familiar. Only now Blaine remembers why. He should have realized it earlier. Sam was in New Directions.

 

“Okay, you have to tell me everything. I haven’t seen or talked to the guy in years! He totally disappeared on us. I thought he was in New York still.” Sam looks happy, his smile wide and eyes sparkling.

 

Blaine can’t quite get his head around this. Sam knew Kurt in high school. He’s not sure what to tell Sam. Kurt must have had his reasons to cut contact, and Blaine knows Kurt is a private person. It would feel like cheating to tell Sam about Kurt without Kurt’s consent.

 

“Um. He’s fine. He lives about a block or two away from here, he’s single, he loves his dad, and complains about a friend called Rachel,” Blaine says. He thinks this information is innocent enough. Besides, he doesn’t know much about the recent years in Kurt’s life. They’ve been talking about all kinds of things, but mostly about things in the past or things that are happening right now. Kurt did promise to tell Blaine about why he’s in Columbus nowadays, but they haven’t been anywhere near the topic since the very beginning of their commutes together.

 

“So he does keep in touch with Rachel,” Sam muses. “I’d say that’s unfair to the rest of us, but they did go off to New York together, so they’re closer than me and Kurt ever. Or Mike and Tina and Kurt. I guess Tina and Kurt were really close at one point, but then they drifted apart already in school.”

 

Blaine feels blank again. “Oh yes – you three were in high school together, so you all knew Kurt back then?” This is what one would call a mind fuck. Blaine’s three best friends from college all know Kurt from way back when. Blaine knows it’s irrational, but he feels jealous. Kurt used to be his, but now… it seems like everyone important in Blaine’s life knows Kurt better than Blaine.

 

“Yeah. Tina, Kurt and Rachel were in the founding members of New Directions. I only joined when I transferred there junior year. That club was insane, but the best place there was in that school.”

 

“Wait, wait,” Blaine begs as yet another realization strikes. He feels faint. “Santana Lopez?”

 

“What about her? You know her as well?” Sam seems puzzled, but not completely thrown like Blaine feels.

 

“She’s the new client whose debut album I produce. Kurt said they were in high school together,” Blaine says. World can’t be that small, not even Ohio, not even Columbus.

 

“Oh, cool! I haven’t heard from her either, not in quite a while. She still with Brittany?”

 

“I have no idea. We’ve only talked business,” Blaine says. “This, Sam… this is too much. This cannot be real.”

 

“Are you okay?” Sam is concerned right away.

 

“Not really. I mean, all these coincidences are a bit too much all at once, you know? I… I was looking forward to getting close to Kurt and then maybe introducing him to you one day, but now I never get to do that.” Blaine stares at the bottle in his hands. He doesn’t know what to think.

 

“Hey,” Sam says, shuffles closer and puts an arm on Blaine’s shoulders. “It’s not like that. You probably still have to introduce us, because I haven’t heard of him since… um, you know about Finn?”

 

Blaine nods numbly.

 

“Okay, so I haven’t heard anything about Kurt since the funeral. He just disappeared. He doesn’t come to New Directions’ reunions or New Year parties or anything, ever. He cut contact with everyone. Except Rachel, it seems, if he talks about her still. Some of us are pretty bitter about him just leaving us without a word.”

 

“Okay,” Blaine says quietly.

 

“You sure know how to pick them, don’t you?” Sam says then, his tone odd. He pulls a hand through his hair and laughs a little. “Oh, Blaine, you sure know how to pick them.”

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Blaine asks.

 

“Nothing, nothing. Just, Dave wasn’t the most straightforward of people, and well. Now you set your eyes on Kurt.”

 

“Yeah,” Blaine relents. He doesn’t want to talk about his ex, and he won’t talk about Kurt. “I kind of want to ask about everything, but… I won’t. Kurt is a private person, it’d feel wrong to dig for information behind his back.”

 

“Fine,” Sam says in his easy manner. “We’ll talk about everything else, okay?”

 

“Yeah, please. Tell me how you’re doing, instead.”

 

Sam begins to tell him about the ad he was shooting last month. He tells Blaine about another model who had a breakdown in front of the camera, and about the food poisoning Sam got after eating too old Chinese leftovers. They end up playing video games until late, and then they crawl to bed slightly buzzed from beer and glad to be reunited again. Sam goes to the guest bedroom as if it belonged to him, and Blaine realizes he’s really missed Sam. He’s been lonely.

 

But all this new information about Kurt troubles him. Sam didn’t say more, but the little Blaine got is enough to keep him awake in bed. The duvet feels stifling, it’s too hot in the room, and Blaine can’t get comfortable. Kurt went to New York, but somehow is now in Columbus. Kurt used to have awesome friends and he talks about his glee club with a warm, amused tone, but still he has cut all contact with those same people. Sam didn’t seem upset with Kurt in the least, on the contrary. Sam wanted to know how Kurt is.

 

Blaine thought he’d gotten to know Kurt during their short time together, but it might be that he knows nothing at all. Maybe it is time to ask Kurt about things, make him talk about something. Blaine has shared about himself freely and without any constraint. It’s not fair that Kurt keeps back so much, won’t tell Blaine as much as Blaine has told him.

 

And yet, every little thing Blaine knows about Kurt feels precious. The few minutes every morning that Kurt takes just to sip his coffee. The careful way he dresses himself. The way his cheeks dimple when he really, truly smiles. Blaine knows all of those things. Blaine knows Kurt is an awesome cook, and he knows that Kurt prefers autumn to summer. All this has to count, too.

 

It’s just not enough, not nearly. Blaine wants to know what Kurt is scared of. He wants to know why Kurt is in Columbus, and what happened to New York. He wants to know how it is to touch Kurt, if his skin is as soft as it looks. He wants to know what happened to Kurt’s mother and why Kurt keeps himself at a distance, why he hides away. He wants to hear all the stories that Kurt shrugs off with a heavy “it’s complicated”.

 

It takes a long time for him to fall asleep.

 

*

 

The weekend passes way too fast for Blaine’s liking. Only when he gets to spend time with Sam he realizes how empty his house has felt like, how lifeless the rooms are when it’s just him there. Sam brings life, noise and company into the emptiness. They have fun. They jam a little with Blaine’s guitar, play more games and watch some movies. On Saturday afternoon Blaine takes Sam to the gym he frequents. It’s incredibly nice to just have someone sharing space with him after all these lonely months.

 

Sam keeps his word and doesn’t bring out Kurt once, not until he’s leaving Sunday afternoon. Then he just wishes Blaine luck and says that Kurt is an awesome person. Blaine takes his words and smiles. He could use that luck.

 


	8. Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for you comments and kudos :D
> 
> And this is where it gets a little intense.

 

On Monday morning Kurt looks his normal self again. He looks fine, rested and calm. His eyes are present, and it doesn’t take long before he starts talking between sips of coffee.

 

“I was in Lima over the weekend," he tells Blaine. "It’s so good to see dad and Carole – it’s been a while since I had time to drive down for the whole weekend. I had some vacation days still, so I took Friday off.”

 

“That sounds nice, getting to see them,” Blaine says. “Are they well?”

 

“Yeah, they’re fine,” Kurt says with a sigh. “Carole’s still taking days like that hard, and it affects dad, too. That’s why I went there right now. It seems that anniversaries get harder on Carole the more years pass instead of the other way around. But they’re okay. She got back to her feet, I took care of cooking for the weekend and gave her some time to rest, and a chance to talk to me. It seemed to help.”

 

“It’s so great of you, to be there for her, for them,” Blaine says.

 

Kurt shrugs. “It’s family. I do what I can, and I wish I could do more. It’s good for me, too, going back there. Dad has a way of talking sense into me when I can’t figure out what’s what. I needed that visit as much as they did.”

 

Blaine is really envious of that kind of parent relationship, but he’s glad that Kurt has something like that. He’s also a bit curious about why Kurt needed his father’s advice. Intruding on that would feel wrong, though.

 

“How was your weekend?” Kurt asks, clearly done with the topic being on him.

 

Blaine bites his lip. He should tell Kurt about Sam. He takes a moment, breathes, and then decides to just say it. “I had a friend over. We were in college together for a year, before he realized he wanted something else from life. Does the name Sam Evans ring a bell?”

 

Kurt stops the coffee mug before it gets to his lips. “Sam Evans, huh?” Blaine can’t tell if his voice is happy or annoyed.

 

“I hear you went to school together,” Blaine says.

 

“Yup.” Kurt falls silent, and Blaine has nothing to say. The radio drones on, filling the car with noise that means nothing. Blaine bites his lip and doesn’t look at Kurt. There’s nothing Kurt should be upset about, but still it feels like Kurt isn’t too happy with what Blaine told him.

 

“So, you spent the entire weekend gossiping?” Kurt asks icily once they cross an intersection.

 

“What? No.” Blaine feels irrationally angry all of a sudden. “Why would you say that?”

 

Kurt doesn’t seem to hear the last question. “What did he tell you?”

 

“Nothing. Kurt, can you hear yourself? He’s my friend, of course I wanted to tell him I met you, and he recognized your name. That’s all.” Blaine tries to keep his voice level, but it’s impossible. “Not everything is about you!”

 

“Right.” Kurt turns his head away.

 

“You can’t seriously get mad at me for knowing people that went to school with you.”

 

“What did you tell him?” Kurt is still staring out the passenger window.

 

“Nothing! I told him where you work, and then begged him to talk about everything else the whole weekend. We were not gossiping about you, Kurt.”

 

Kurt doesn’t answer.

 

Their car ride is now deadly silent. Blaine seethes. Kurt can’t be so selfish that he expects Blaine to talk about him all the time. Kurt can’t suspect him right away. Blaine made sure to let the topic go with Sam because of this right here. Kurt likes to be in control about what he says, that much Blaine has gathered. Some things he has blurted out, and then brushed them off, like the reason he’s in Columbus, this attitude towards Rachel and his previous relationship. The way Kurt told Blaine about being bullied was controlled, and now that Blaine goes back to the conversation, Kurt started it, wanted to share something because Blaine had told him about the bashing. Kurt had clearly thought about telling Blaine, and decided to go with it. Kurt plans his words carefully in advance when it comes to painful topics. Only sometimes it seems that Kurt’s whole life is a painful topic.

 

Blaine feels like he should call Sam right away and demand him to tell everything there is to know about Kurt, just to be spiteful. Because that’s what Kurt thinks he did.

 

“Why can’t you trust me?” Blaine explodes then, sudden into the silence between them. “What have I ever done to make you doubt me?”

 

“I don’t know you!”

 

Blaine can’t help it. Words stream out of his mouth, bitter and annoyed and a little too loud. “But you do. I’ve told you so much about myself, about my family, about my background. I’ve only ever been nice to you, I’ve listened to you, I’ve been right here, letting you decide on what we talk about, letting you keep your secrets until you’re ready to share! When did I betray you so that you can’t trust me?”

 

“The moment you told me Sam Evans spent the weekend!” Kurt’s words come out fast, high and biting.

 

“Oh, so you get to decide who I can be friends with?” Blaine bites back, his tone just as poisonous.

 

“Of course not, I…” Kurt deflates, his sentence disappearing half way through.

 

“You what? That’s exactly what you were saying, Kurt.”

 

“Fine. Be that way.” Kurt crosses his arms.

 

It’s clear that the conversation is over. Blaine has never been as eager to get to work, and it’s a relief when he finally parks the car in the company garage. Kurt is out of the car in an instant, and he strides to the elevator before Blaine even has his bag out. Apparently they are fighting now. It feels awful. Blaine feels small, inadequate. Why can’t Kurt trust him? Why is he not enough? He desperately want to be worthy of Kurt, but it seems that is an impossible dream.

 

*

 

Things don’t get better in the following days. Kurt still rides with Blaine, but they manage only some very stilted small-talk. Blaine doesn’t bother trying to have a proper conversation. He doesn’t ask Kurt anything that might carry meaning. He knows that sometimes, Kurt is trying – he asks something more than how was your day, he tries to comment on something they’ve talked about before, but Blaine’s too mad to let him get through. Kurt doesn’t trust him, so it’s better if Kurt never tells him anything at all. Blaine knows it’s petty and stupid – they’re adults, he should just let it go and forgive Kurt. But he can’t. It hurts that Kurt has no faith in Blaine. They haven’t known each other for long, but Blaine would trust Kurt with anything. He has trusted Kurt right from the start, when he told about his high school experiences. He wishes that trust would be returned.

 

On Thursday afternoon Blaine goes to the gym and gets his boxing gloves on. He beats the bag so long that he loses himself in it, his arms ache and his feet get tired. He’s sweaty and desperate and so angry. He just wants Kurt. He hits the bag again. He wants Kurt to trust him. He hits again, feels the power of it reverberate in his arm. He’s panting, sweat sliding down his neck. He needs Kurt. It’s stupid to think so, but he really does. He needs his happy mornings in the car to cope with the emptiness that follows him home every afternoon.

 

He hits the showers feeling almost emptier than before. He hates fighting. He doesn’t do well in conflict, because he gets down on himself instead of standing his ground. Sometimes fights begin because he’s so insecure and makes stupid decisions based on that. He just wants Kurt back, he wants the easy friendship they managed to forge so fast.

 

But maybe it was only easy because Blaine never pushed.

 

*

 

Blaine frustration only grows as he gets home. He cooks, and he’s fuming. He only manages to eat a little of the pasta, not feeling hungry. He does the dishes that have been piling up for the past three days through the power of his feelings only.

 

Kurt is infuriating, Blaine thinks as he lets the water down the drain and sets to dry his dishes. Kurt in his perfect clothes, with his perfect hair and clear voice just marched into his life and made everything complicated by existing. Kurt, with his mysteries that Blaine wants to unravel. Kurt, with his layers that Blaine wants to strip off of him both literally and figuratively. Blaine wants to see Kurt bared down, he wants to know Kurt, he wants to explore, touch and ask, he wants to be trusted. He wants Kurt to be able to be vulnerable, he wants Kurt to let go for Blaine. Blaine misses Kurt, as crazy as it sounds. They have seen each other every day, but Blaine can feel them drifting apart. He’s been an active worker to make the drift happen, after all.

 

He finishes drying the plates and heads to the living room. He’s always liked the greens and browns he decorated it with. The room feels calm and homey, and usually it’s easy to just relax into the couch and breathe after a day at work. Now he can’t. He feels hot with his frustration at the situation.

 

It all revolves around Kurt. His friends used to be friends with Kurt, his client and new star used to be friends with Kurt. Everyone around him is suddenly connected, and he feels crazy with it. He’s in a web, and he’s the newest addition who doesn’t know what everyone else does.

 

He hates it.


	9. Old Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I thank you for your comments and kudos! 
> 
> Warning about a mention of a suicide attempt in the past (not Kurt or Blaine) 
> 
> ...and as for this chapter, I apologize in advance.

 

It’s Friday; everything is gray from the sky to the buildings to the streets. Kurt is a flash of color in the midst of it all, he has a green jacket on, and a bright blue scarf that brings out his eyes. He looks amazing as he stands on the parking lot, coffee in hand, waiting for Blaine. Blaine bites down the feeling that’s making his heart flutter. Kurt will never be his – Kurt does not trust him. They are still mad at each other, or at least they still were yesterday. Blaine is dreading the drive, but he won’t let Kurt down by not driving him.

 

“I need to tell you that I’m sorry,” Kurt says as he gets into the passenger seat. This is new, he rarely talks much before he’s had at least half of his coffee. “I want us to talk again, be friends again, because this is killing me. I want to explain, even though I realize it doesn’t completely excuse what I said to you on Monday.”

 

“Alright, go on,” Blaine says. He has to say he feels intrigued. He’s also a little ashamed about his own behavior, but he’ll let Kurt talk first. He worked his own frustration out in the end, in his bed at night growling Kurt’s name, imagining things too filthy to even think about in the light of morning. But that’s only for him to know. He’d rather forget. He doesn’t like the person he’s become, so it’s easier not to think about it.

 

“So, the other reason, probably the more accurate reason, why I was visiting home last weekend is because my ex called me out of the blue.” Kurt sounds breathless. “It’s been about three years since we broke up. We’ve talked since, we’ve… seen each other, but the last time I heard of him before this was last Christmas, so almost a year ago.”

 

“Okay, that’s unexpected,” Blaine muses. He ignores the twitch in his heart. He has no right to those feelings. “What did he want?”

 

“I’m not exactly certain. He seemed to just want to talk. He’s been texting me every day. I guess… part of my lashing out on Monday was about him. I have so many contradicting feelings towards him, and… it’s not easy. Besides, last time I was in any contact with Sam, I was with Adam. It felt like suddenly my past was returning from every possible direction. And I must admit I have been hiding from it. At least some parts of it.” Kurt plays with his travel mug, takes a sip. “So, I’m sorry. You have nothing to do with any of it.”

 

“Apology accepted,” Blaine says easily. This is better than he could have imagined this morning, when a part of him wanted to just stay home. “I was too quick to get mad as well, I think. And I made it last longer, by refusing to talk to you properly. So, I’m sorry, too.” He’s glad to clear the air between them. He’s been really down about this, more down than he’s been in ages.

 

“It’s okay. And, for the record, Blaine? I do trust you. It’s just… difficult sometimes, to say things, tell about myself. I used to have friends who meddled in everything, thought that my business was immediately also their business. Well, umm. Sam was part of that group, actually, as well as Santana. And Rachel, but she’s too insistent to ignore or cut contact with. So, my old fears just… got the better of me. The life I desperately needed to leave behind was crowding in on me. By the way, now that I’m confessing stuff, I’m really glad you never took me up on that insane offer to deal with Santana. I would have died on the spot, she’d have killed me.” Kurt actually sounds horrified.

 

“I’m glad you told me, and you bet I’m going to ask about some of this later. But now, I believe you have something to say about your ex, still?” Blaine decides it’s time. He can push a little. Kurt will tell him if he doesn’t want to answer, like he’s done before. He wants to know why Kurt feels like he had to cut contact with his old friends, but he thinks it’s better to leave that conversation for later. The ex is the thing Kurt brought out first, and if Blaine’s ex suddenly appeared, he’d want to hash it out with someone. And Blaine is so curious he feels it in his toes. He has to remind himself to keep his eyes on the traffic instead of focusing completely on Kurt.

 

“You’re sure you want to listen to me ramble?” Kurt asks. The words scream the need to open up, to let the thoughts out, but almost still hoping that Blaine tells him no.

 

“Absolutely,” Blaine says. He means it. This is a crack in Kurt’s shell, and he’s going to take advantage.

 

So, Kurt talks. He tells Blaine how he met Adam in New York subway, thought he was cute and got brave enough to ask him out. Kurt voice is steady, but sometimes he takes breaks to breathe. He’s constantly playing with his coffee mug, not drinking but tapping it or twirling it. He tells how he and Adam got to know each other in coffee shops and movie theaters. How Adam got all of Kurt’s real firsts. How Kurt always felt like Adam was too good to be true, and his friends disagreed loudly. Kurt tells how he felt trapped between his friends and his boyfriend, and letting go of the friends that were too far away. He tells how he and Adam were together for four years, though most of it was long-distance. Kurt doesn’t go into detail about that, and Blaine, once again, lets it pass. Kurt is telling him something, at least. He’ll take what he can get.

 

“I really loved him, Blaine. A part of me still does.” A small sigh. “But the distance was too much in the end. We saw each other in the flesh maybe five times a year, and it was him doing the traveling. He kept asking me to move in with him. He told me that I was wasting my life being here. It got bad. I got frustrated of his demands. He told me I didn’t appreciate him or his efforts towards me and our relationship. I guess he was right – it wasn’t okay for me to string him along. But at the time I couldn’t see, I was too busy being hurt by his words.” Kurt bites his lip and pauses. Blaine dares to look at him, but in the end he has to turn back to traffic.

 

That’s when Kurt continues. “We spent about eight months not talking to each other before we had a long Skype call, during which we agreed to officially break up. He told me he had slept with others pretty much since I moved. He had dated people behind my back. Even though we were pretty much estranged, it still tore me up inside. It was over, really over, and I had a hard time accepting that. But well, that was that, my sob story. In hindsight I think I was holding on to him for the wrong reasons, you know?”

 

“I do,” Blaine says quietly.

 

That seems to get Kurt interested. “You do? Tell me.” He turns more towards Blaine, and Blaine can feel his eyes on him. He’s glad to keep staring at the rear of the car in front of them. Kurt is looking at him expectantly, and Blaine hates himself a little for allowing this to happen. Kurt is changing the subject, turning the conversation away from himself, and Blaine is helpless to contradict him even though he wants to know how Kurt feels now. Kurt’s idiot of an ex is texting him, and yet he says nothing about that. Blaine wonders if he’s too easy on Kurt, not pressing enough on details like why Kurt left New York or what he’s going to do about his ex now. On the other hand, Blaine doesn’t want to give himself or his jealousy away by asking too much. He doesn’t know how to balance it all.

 

“Blaine?” Kurt asks when Blaine’s not answering.

 

“Yeah. I was the same with my last boyfriend,” Blaine says. In for a penny. He can do this, spill it all. He’s not ashamed of his actions anymore. Kurt makes a tiny, encouraging noise that’s not a proper word. They’re here, they might as well get it all out there, even though Blaine is again going to be doing most of the sharing.

 

“I held on to him for the wrong reasons, though we were only together less than a year,” Blaine begins. “I was… in a bad place, when we met. He approached me in this bar. I took him up on his offer, mostly because I was lonely and he seemed nice. He was willing to listen to my whines and help me up when I was down. I guess I felt like I owed him something for that, and asked him to move in. It didn’t last. We were too different in the end, and... to be brutally honest, I was never really that attracted to him. He wasn’t right for me, more a friend than a lover. I ended it. And Dave knew we weren’t meant to be – he said to me, when I broke up with him, that he’d known he’d only have me for a little while. He’d still decided to take the chance, for as long as he could. He always was more into me than I ever was into him. God, I sound like an idiot. But anyway, I had to end it eventually, because I wasn’t feeling right. I want a real, romantic relationship, Kurt. I want to get married.” Blaine chuckles a little. He got all maudlin, he needs to lighten up. The whole conversation is so melancholy that he has to take the unpleasant pressure off. He needs to try and get over all the negative things that this tale brings out in him. So, he makes a joke out of it all.

 

“And no matter how you try to hyphenate it, Blaine Anderson-Karofsky is too much of a mouthful.”

 

Kurt snorts coffee out of his nose.

 

Blaine finds a spot on the side of the street and pulls over. Kurt sniffles and moans. Blaine has some tissues in his coat pocket, and he offers them to Kurt, whose face is red and wet from both tears and coffee. He’s coughing a little, and accepts the tissues to dry his face. He takes a long while before he finally turns his red eyes to Blaine.

 

“Are you okay?” Blaine asks, alarmed, hands held up because he really wants to rub Kurt’s shoulder but he’s not sure if it’s allowed. His heart is beating crazy fast. Kurt really scared him there.

 

“You dated Dave Karofsky.” It comes out like an accusation, and there’s no answer to Blaine’s question.

 

“Yes?” Blaine has a bad feeling about this. Dread is creeping up his spine as he holds his gaze to Kurt’s still red eyes that are filled with pain.

 

“Oh, my god. I can’t believe it. Not you!” Kurt buries his face in his hands, tissues dropping in his lap. He looks smaller somehow, defeated, and Blaine hates that Kurt looks like that because of him.

 

“Kurt, I don’t understand.”

 

“How… you are such an amazing guy, Blaine. You’re like all the best things. You’re sunshine and puppies and music, and he… he’s everything but!” Kurt is still not looking at Blaine.

 

“Do you know him?” Blaine asks, even though it’s clear that Kurt does. He ignores the way Kurt’s praise makes him all tingly, because there are more pressing matters than his attraction right now.

 

“Remember how I told you about this jock who kissed me and then threatened to kill me?” Kurt mumbles through his fingers. Then he finally lifts his face. There are fresh tears in his eyes that have nothing to do with coffee going through his nose. One of them spills on Kurt’s cheek. “That jock was Dave Karofsky.”

 

Blaine feels sick. He leans on the steering wheel and takes deep breaths through his nose. Dave never wanted to talk about his past, and Blaine can’t put the two images together. “But. The Dave I knew was calm and collected, never raised his voice or hurt anyone,” Blaine says. The Dave he knew was kind and loved football. Blaine would have sworn Dave had never in his life hurt a fly – but now everything is different, and suddenly Blaine feels like someone has lied to him. His hands shake and the world has gone a bit fuzzy. His Dave is gentle. Blaine can swear.

 

“Blaine?” he hears Kurt ask in a careful tone.

 

“This is a lot to take in,” Blaine says softly, still leaning his forehead on the wheel. He can’t quite make himself look at Kurt.

 

“I know, it’s the same for me,” Kurt says.

 

“Is it?” Blaine asks, sitting up and facing Kurt, whose face is even paler than usual, making his eyes look awfully red, almost like there’s something wrong with them. “The jock you described to me doesn’t fit into the Dave that I used to know. I have a little trouble understanding.”

 

Kurt swallows. Blaine stares at the movement of his Adam’s apple without really registering where his eyes are.

 

“Remember how I also told you that he didn’t have it easy? I guess I left something vital out. And I guess he didn’t tell you either.” Kurt starts picking at his fingers, clearly nervous.

 

“Go on, I don’t know if I can be any more shocked – and we’re late to work at this rate anyway.” Blaine waves his hand. No one has told him anything, everyone knows everyone behind his back, he’s tired and ready to give up. He almost, almost hopes he never met Kurt because it’s so easy to blame this on him. It all started when he met Kurt.

 

Kurt hesitates. “Well, he ended up transferring during our senior year. And though he was deep in the closet, someone in his new school found out and outed him. He got bullied for his sexuality. He… he was already hating himself, and that was the final straw. Blaine... I don’t have a good way to say this, so I’ll just say it. He tried to kill himself. Fortunately his father came home in time to find him.”

 

“Oh, god.” Now Blaine actually feels sick. He focuses on breathing. He does not want to vomit in the car nor on the sidewalk. Dave had tried to kill himself, and Blaine never knew. Dave had never told him. It almost hurts, but at the same time Blaine realizes for the millionth time that he was right to end it with Dave. It seems they never really knew each other.

 

“I went to see him in the hospital, after. He swore he’d turn his life around. What I gather from all of this, he succeeded, and became the guy you dated.” Kurt sounds faraway and somehow final.

 

“Oh, Kurt, what is this?” Blaine exclaims. “It seems like you are everywhere now. After I met you, I’ve found out that my closest college friends knew you, that my new star knew you, and that my ex-boyfriend who lived with me for three months is the one who made your life miserable once. Who are you, Kurt Hummel?”

 

Kurt shakes his head slowly. “I could ask you the same question. Why does everyone I knew in Lima gather around you?”

 

They are almost an hour late to work that morning, but neither of them really cares. They have too much to think about.

 

*

 

When Blaine gets home, he has a phone call to make. He sits down on his couch and dials without even taking his coat off.

 

“Heya, Blaine? Miss me already?” Sam answers on the fifth ring.

 

Blaine doesn’t bother with a hello. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth about Dave? You must have known everything – Sam… Why?”

 

Sam is quiet for a moment. Blaine bites on his lip and waits. He’s mad at Sam. After he realized that Sam must know everything about Dave, he couldn’t imagine a reason why everyone kept it a secret. Mike and Tina as well as Sam, and Dave himself. Blaine lived with the guy for months, and no one ever told him. No one ever tells him anything important, it seems – important like missing high school friends or him dating their former bully. Is Blaine really that unworthy of anyone’s trust?

 

“Blaine, what do you mean?” Sam lets out a laugh.

 

“I can hear right through you. You know what I’m talking about.”

 

“Come on, man. Was I supposed to gossip about your boyfriend?”

 

“You never liked him. You told me that he was a tough one. But you could not say why. You could have said that he has a past, that I should have asked him about high school – hell, you could have said that you used to know him!” Blaine gets up, paces around his living room. “Oh shit, there’s actually a reason why you never managed to meet him!”

 

“Yeah, well. I don’t have the highest opinion about him,” Sam mutters.

 

“I lived with him, Sam. I lived with a guy who used to be a closeted bully. I lived with a guy who tried to kill himself once. And including him, there were four people in my life who knew all this. Why didn’t _I_ know this?” That’s the thing Blaine cannot wrap his head around.

 

“I don’t know what to tell you, man,” Sam says. His voice is quiet.

 

Blaine flops back down on his couch. “I feel like I deserved to know.” There’s a sting in his heart. He can’t seem to take a deep breath. His safe, normal life that he thought boring at times has turned upside down. He feels like everything he has known is a lie. All his friends have kept these huge secrets from him, and it hurts.

 

“I know,” Sam says. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I thought he would have told you.”

 

Blaine shakes his head even though there’s no one to see that. “No. He never talked much about his past. And I never asked about anything. I guess I wasn’t even that interested.” With a jolt he realizes that it’s true. He was never that keen on asking things about Dave’s past or family or friends. He must have been the world’s shittiest boyfriend. How didn’t he see? People are affected by their past. There must have been clues, details that should have made him think. But he never did, and now, looking back, he can’t see anything that might have pointed at Dave’s rocky past.

 

“This is a bad timing, but Blaine, I’m glad you broke up with him. If he never told you, he wasn’t in it for good either.”

 

“Yeah.” Blaine’s not sure how to go on with this conversation or his life. “I just… I need to process, I guess.”

 

“Okay. You can call me if you want to talk, you know that, right?” Sam is there for Blaine as he has been ever since they met. Even if he keeps secrets.

 

“I know,” Blaine says though he can’t be sure if he does, anymore.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me... I find the Glee storyline just as terrible as anyone (so poor writing, what the hell) but it just fit into this story as something that would add drama.


	10. A Nudge Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating a bit early because I was editing the chapter and thought, why not post it right away. 
> 
> I keep thanking you for your comments and kudos - they make a writer very happy!

{I never imagined you’d be into a guy like Karofsky. I still can’t, actually.}

 

Kurt’s message late on Friday night puzzles Blaine. He’s getting ready for bed when his phone chirps, and he just sits on the edge of his bed for a long while staring at the message there. He has no idea how to take it, or what to think about the words.

 

[Okay, random?] He manages eventually.

 

{I know. I just can’t stop thinking about it. Is he the kind of guy you’re attracted to?}

 

Blaine doesn’t know what to think. They’ve never talked about anything like this before, and he’s not sure what Kurt wants from him. What does it matter to Kurt what kind of guys Blaine likes?

 

[He was kind to me, what’s more attractive? But physically, I’ve got to admit, he’s not the kind I usually enjoy looking at. Why are you asking?]

 

{He’s just the complete opposite of me.}

 

Blaine blinks. He closes his eyes, counts to five and opens them again. The words have not changed. Blaine feels hot all over, and he can’t sit still anymore – he has to get up and pace a little in front of his bed. What the hell is Kurt doing, sending texts like that to Blaine?

 

[What?]

 

Screw eloquence, this makes no sense. Blaine keeps on pacing and minutes pass. He keeps staring at the phone, willing it to light up, but no message comes through. After half an hour he gives up and goes to bed, but it takes a long time before he sleeps.

 

*

 

The thoughts and questions keep Blaine running around and constantly doing something – if he stops, his mind takes over. So he goes to the gym, he buys groceries and cooks. He cleans the bathroom and vacuums the whole house. Then, finally the evening comes, and he spends hours and hours with his guitar, deep in thought. Even then, he decides to steadfastly ignore Kurt’s texts last night. Kurt hasn't answered him, and for some reason Blaine doubts he ever will.

 

He strums late into the night, pieces of melodies, some his own, some borrowed. He sings his favorites into the empty living room, feeling sad that his life never turned out the way he’d dreamed back in high school or college. His skin feels too tight, his home somehow wrong. The place has been his own for longer than it ever was his and Dave’s, but now it feels like Dave is everywhere. All his things are long gone, and Blaine has bought new curtains for the living room since Dave moved out, but the couch and the tv are right where they’ve always been. Blaine remembers sitting right on the same spot watching a game with Dave, having no idea that the man next to him had wanted to end himself as a teenager. He had leaned on Dave without a clue that once Dave’s hands had pushed and tortured his peers.

 

Blaine puts the guitar away and swallows several times in a row. Dave had bullied people. Dave had bullied _Kurt_ because Kurt was gay and out. Blaine doesn’t want to think about it, but his thoughts keep on returning to the same thing. He almost wants to call Dave and demand an explanation, but he knows that would be out of line. The past is in the past, and neither of them has the ability to change things that already happened. Blaine stares at the blank tv screen before getting up. He pushes the couch to face the other wall. It’s heavy, and difficult to maneuver on his own, but Blaine manages. He wipes sweat from his brow. Now the couch faces the bookshelf, and that doesn’t work.

 

Before he knows it, Blaine has emptied over half of his bookshelf on the floor. He has piles and piles of books and some photos of his family and friends. As he reaches for the clock on the highest shelf, he notices the time. It’s one am, and his living room is a mess. The rug is in a heap in a corner because it got in the way of the couch. There are a dozen piles of books on the floor, and the couch is covered in photo frames. Blaine’s sweaty and bone-deep tired. He needs a shower and a good night’s sleep.

 

He can finish redecorating in the morning.

 

*

 

Blaine puts the last books back on their place in the shelf and stops to look at what he’s accomplished. The tv is now on its stand by the wall where the shelf used to be, and the shelf is on the other side of the room. The rug is sideways instead of following the shape of the room. Blaine has moved some photos next to the tv – one of him and Cooper, and a sunset shot from college.

 

He feels better. The room looks different, somehow bigger all of a sudden. And most of all, it looks different than the room Blaine used to share with Dave. The memories aren’t quite as close anymore. A new perspective is good.

 

*

 

When Blaine picks Kurt up on Monday morning, Kurt is not only holding his ever-present travel mug but also a tin of something. He looks as good as ever, bright blue pants and a black jacket with straps and buttons on it. Today there’s no scarf. He gets in the car and greets Blaine with a small smile. Blaine returns the smile before resuming driving. He wants to ask, he feels the question on the tip of his tongue, but he can’t voice it. He’s not brave enough.

 

“Morning. I brought you cookies.” Kurt lifts the tin in his hand playfully once his standard minutes have gone.

 

“For me? Is there a reason for this pampering?” Blaine asks, glancing at Kurt.

 

“I feel like you deserve them after Friday morning,” Kurt says without going on with the tease Blaine began. So, they’re still not flirting. Damnit. “It was a rough talk.”

 

“But a necessary one,” Blaine says.

 

“Probably. Anyway, I baked cookies yesterday and thought, Blaine needs some, too, I need to spoil him with my baking.”

 

There’s a mischievous smile on Kurt’s face when Blaine glances his way. Kurt looks breathtaking in the morning light. The smile is teasing, but his eyes are warm and there are happy crinkles in the corners. Blaine stifles the urge to sigh. He always manages to forget how good Kurt looks, how just sharing a glance with him makes Blaine feel warm and jittery, and then the feeling returns to him with a vengeance while he’s trying to drive.

 

“Well, I appreciate your thought process. I can take some spoiling every once in a while. Especially after last weekend,” Blaine says as he returns his eyes to the street. Kurt doesn’t ask for details, and Blaine doesn’t feel like offering them.

 

The commute this morning is light, easy and fun. They are both in a good mood even though it’s a Monday. They sing along with the radio, together at first, but then Kurt trails off. Blaine can feel Kurt’s eyes on him as the song comes to a close.

 

“What?”

 

“Blaine, what the hell are you doing in producing? You should be selling your own albums.”

 

Blaine rolls his eyes. “Says the graphic designer with the voice of an angel.”

 

Kurt waves out a hand and shakes his head. “That’s me, I have my reasons, but seriously, Blaine. You sound so good. My voice is too unique, so very different from what actually would sell CDs or get me on stage. I know that, but you, you must realize that your voice is something that would sell. You put emotion out there.”

 

Blaine flushes with the compliments. Hearing those words from Kurt’s mouth means a lot. “Thank you.” He’s choking on the words.

 

Kurt laughs a little, sets a light hand on Blaine arm quickly. Blaine feels the touch to his core. “It’s all deserved, Blaine. Now, I need you sing me more.”

 

“Only if you sing with me,” Blaine challenges.

 

They spend the rest of the drive singing along to the radio, their voices melding together seamlessly. Blaine feels the hair on his arms rise up. He hasn’t felt like this while singing in ages. The rush, the happiness that fills him and makes his blood rush in his veins has been gone for years, maybe ever since he graduated high school and left the Warblers behind. The music flows within him, out of him, and joins with Kurt’s. It’s exhilarating.

 

He does make music still, while he’s producing. He knows how to make a demo version into a true hit with the right arrangements and instruments. And of course, he likes to play around with his guitar and piano at home, make his own songs. But it hasn’t felt like this in a long time – the one rejected demo took all the joy from this. Something about singing with Kurt lights Blaine up in a new way. He leaves behind the past, the things that bothered him all weekend long, and enjoys the moment, singing just a bit louder.

 

It’s a shame that their commute isn’t longer, Blaine thinks when he parks the car and turns to give Kurt a wide smile.

 

“That was amazing.”

 

“It really was.” Kurt’s eyes are shining, his whole face glowing with happiness. “We have to sing together sometime, properly.”

 

“Absolutely,” Blaine says.

 

*

 

Blaine flies on the high of singing with Kurt for the rest of the day. He doesn’t even let Sebastian’s smirk and suggestive comments annoy him. Once he gets home and opens the can of cookies, he feels happy. The troubles of the weekend seem far away. His new layout of the living room looks awesome. Kurt complimented Blaine’s singing and wants to sing with him again. The cookies smell heavenly and taste even better. Blaine devours three before he even thinks about cooking dinner. He puts the rest of the cookies away before digging into his fridge and puts some chicken on the pan.

 

While his dinner cooks, Blaine wonders about Kurt. The guy has a huge effect on Blaine, it’s almost scary. Because they had fun this morning and Kurt was in a good mood, Blaine is still happy and content – a total opposite of the weekend, when his mind had been one big mess of Dave, Sam, and Kurt.

 

Dave. Blaine sighs and turns the stove off – his rice is done. The whole thing about Dave still bothers him. He makes a decision that’s been brewing all weekend long. He takes his phone from the counter and chooses a number he still has. They parted on good terms, and even though they don’t really call or text, they have kept in touch, checking in a couple of times since the break up. Dave lives on the other side of Columbus, now, and he’s still working in a sports shop downtown.

 

“Hello Blaine,” Dave answers after a wait that had Blaine holding his breath. “What’s up?” Dave sounds the same as ever, easy-going and normal. Blaine doesn’t know what he was expecting to hear in Dave’s voice, but he sounds just like he always did.

 

“How are you?” Blaine asks instead of going right in. He putters around the kitchen, puts his pan to soak, takes a plate and utensils to the table.

 

“I’m fine, nothing too exciting going on right now,” Dave says easily. “What about you?”

 

Blaine bites his lip and sits down. “I met someone.” Then he realizes how that sounds, and backtracks quickly. “No, I mean… not like that. He’s just a friend. I think. But.”

 

“Is everything okay?” Dave asks. “You’re all over the place.”

 

“His name is Kurt Hummel.”

 

Dave is silent for a long while. Blaine can hear him swallow. Maybe this was a mistake. It’s not really Blaine’s business to stick his nose into this. This is something personal and difficult and Dave has probably done a lot of work to get rid of the pains from his past, and now Blaine’s digging it all up again. He feels terrible, but the words are out and he can’t take them back anymore.

 

“He told me about you. He didn’t tell me your name, but he told me how he was bullied in high school,” Blaine carries on into the silence. “Then, later, we were talking about our past relationships, and I told him your name, and he... Dave…”

 

“He told you the rest, too, didn’t he?” Dave’s voice is uneven.

 

“Yeah. He did.” Blaine wants to apologize.

 

Dave clears his throat. “I got help after that. It’s a dark spot in my story, but I got out stronger than ever.”

 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Blaine asks. That’s the thing that bothers him the most. That’s the reason he made this call.

 

Dave lets out a humorless laugh.”You never told me why you decided to date me.”

 

Blaine splutters. “What is that supposed to mean?”

 

“You were so unhappy then, Blaine. But you never told me why. And I didn’t think I should bother you with my less than shiny past. We both had our own burdens to bear.”

 

“I guess you’re right,” Blaine says quietly. He had never wanted to share the exact feelings of unworthiness and failure. He had never told Dave about how he used to stay up all night, singing quietly and weeping for the dreams that would never be. Blaine’s good mood is gone, but he’s still glad he made this call. Talking to Dave calms some of the thoughts that have been running wild in his head all weekend.

 

“Tell Kurt hi from me. Is he doing well for himself?”

 

“He’s fine. He works at McKinley. That’s how we met,” Blaine says, still preoccupied with Dave’s earlier words.

 

“Take him to theater sometime. He used to love that musical stuff,” Dave says. “I bet he still does.”

 

“Maybe I will. Thanks. I guess I just needed to let you know that... I know. I’m sorry,” Blaine finally lets out the word and feels slightly less like an idiot.

 

“That’s fine, it’s fine. I gotta go now, though.”

 

They end the call. Blaine puts his phone away and serves himself some vegetables, chicken and rice. He feels lighter somehow. It’s good to hear that Dave’s fine, and that he’s fine with Blaine knowing. And maybe Dave was right. Blaine had been a mess when he met Dave. He’d been alone for some time, and the terrible loneliness had eaten him up inside. Tina and Mike moved away because Mike got hired to a dance studio, and suddenly Blaine had been faced with long hours on his own, with no real social life. At the same time his music had been rejected, too, and he’d decided to throw away that dream, focus on the things he had – the producing. Making other peoples’ songs sound awesome instead of writing his own. Dave had been a band-aid, something to distract himself with. He does better now. He’s more used to being on his own, he knows how to occupy his time better. He’s not as raw about his music anymore – picking up his guitar or sitting down to play the piano doesn’t make him sob any longer.

 

Take him to theater sometime, Dave said. The words come back to Blaine out of the blue as he finishes his meal. Maybe he really should. The local community theater is doing West Side Story, and Blaine is going to see it anyway. He knows some of the actors there that he met at a karaoke night in the summer. He might as well get two tickets instead of just one. It’s so much nicer to go to a show with someone than alone, and for the first time in a while he has someone to ask.

 

It’s also the perfect setting to finally tell Kurt how he feels. Blaine takes his plate to the sink and leans against the counter. Is he really doing this? Maybe it’s about time. It’s Thanksgiving soon, and he’s known Kurt since September. He’s been pining long enough. He will make his move, like he wanted to on the night at Kurt’s. And even though he can’t be sure, he has a feeling that Kurt might agree to date him.

 

What a shame that Kurt doesn’t ride with him on Tuesdays and Blaine can’t ask him tomorrow.

 


	11. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you for eveyone who left a comment or kudos :)

 

On Wednesday morning, Blaine can’t help fidgeting a little as he waits impatiently for Kurt to get enough coffee and turn to him. The morning is sunny, there’s a light layer of snow on the ground, and everything looks fresh and clear. Kurt’s dark blue coat accentuates his shoulders and he’s taken off his thick woolen scarf because inside the car it’s warm. Blaine keeps glancing at him, wondering if he could ask already.

 

“Do you have something on your mind?” Kurt asks with a wonky smile on his face. It’s been only two minutes.

 

“Kind of,” Blaine admits. “Are you awake enough to listen?”

 

“Your constant moving woke me up well enough. Spill, Anderson.”

 

“I happen to have an extra ticket to a community theater play. West Side Story. I was wondering if I could get you to accompany me?” Blaine smiles and looks at Kurt from under his lashes.

 

“Ooh, absolutely!” Kurt’s face lights up. “It’s been forever since I saw a play!”

 

“Great!” Blaine’s cheeks ache, that’s how wide his smile is.

 

“Have I ever told you how much I love the theater? Everything about it, the songs, the costumes, the stories… the atmosphere of a theater, the community that you can practically taste.” Kurt’s voice turns dreamy.

 

Dave was right, Blaine thinks. “No, you haven’t.”

 

“Blaine, I know you’ve never been to Broadway, but it’s magical. The lights, the people, it’s what I used to live for. I love New York as a whole, the pulse of a big city, the life and variety in every day. But Broadway is something even more spectacular. It’s what I miss the most. I still entertain a thought that one day I’ll get back.”

 

“You should be there,” Blaine says, even though the words drop a weight into his heart. “If it means that much to you, I mean.”

 

“It’s everything. That’s why I’m here in the first place. It hurts too much,” Kurt says, his voice almost a whisper.

 

“Kurt… you never said. Why did you leave New York?” Maybe they have even more in common. Blaine knows too well the dreams that hurt too much. He keeps his eyes on the street ahead, giving Kurt space.

 

“I had to. It didn’t work out, no matter how much I love the city. Rachel succeeded, I didn’t. I tried for a while, but then Finn died, and some other things happened, and I realized that it was stupid to run after a pipe dream.” Kurt’s words are uneven, almost breaking apart. Still, Kurt keeps himself together. Blaine can see from the corner of his eye how he lifts his chin up. “It’s been years, but the pain has never left.”

 

Kurt is still avoiding the subject. Blaine wonders what he can ask without making Kurt cry; it’s clear that this is something touchy, something that already has Kurt on the brink of tears. Blaine ends up starting from with Rachel, Kurt’s friend. “You told me that Rachel is an actress. Does this mean that… that is what you wanted to be? An actor?”

 

“Yeah. I’ve wanted to be in New York as long as I can remember. So has Rachel. That was one of the things that made us bond in high school. We were determined to go to New York and then take Broadway by storm. Together. And… we did go there. I’ve told you, Rachel is absolutely crazy, crazy driven and crazy talented. So she made it. I didn’t. But I’m not unhappy here. I have some new friends, I have a job that I’m good at, and I have an amazing apartment. It’s okay.” Kurt nods decisively. As if he could drive the pain away just by deciding that everything is okay.

 

“I’m sorry,” Blaine says. “That’s rough.” He knows too well how rough.

 

“That’s life,” Kurt counters. There’s a bitter tone in his voice. “You don’t always get what you want.”

 

Blaine shrugs. He doesn’t quite agree. “You still shouldn’t give up on your dream. It’s always worth it to try.”

 

No one should ever give up on their dreams, no matter that life gets in the way. Kurt still dreams of New York. He’s usually so composed and sure of himself that it tears Blaine’s heart to see him like this, defeated and cynical. Blaine’s been there, but he got up. He did give up on his dream, but that doesn’t mean Kurt should. Kurt is magic, beautiful and strong, and he would get what he wants if he only dared to try. Blaine is different, Blaine’s dreams aren’t as important or big. Besides, Blaine got very close, he’s almost doing what he wants most. Kurt isn’t even in the same field – he’s not acting or singing on stage here, he’s cooped up in an office and only sings in Blaine's car and at home.

 

“Well. Columbus community theater is pretty far from Broadway, but it’s still theater. We’ll have a great time. The tickets are for Tuesday next week, is that alright?” Blaine needs to take Kurt’s mind somewhere else.

 

That brings a small smile to Kurt’s lips. “Yeah, that’s good.”

 

*

 

A suit is a bit too much for a community theater play, but Blaine doesn’t let that bother him. It’s a yellow suit, quirky and well-fitting. Community theater loves quirky. Blaine hopes that Kurt does, too. His belly is all fluttery and his hands can’t seem to stay still. He’s about to go pick Kurt up in fifteen minutes to take them to the theater. He has even polished his shoes, for heaven’s sake. He’s completely lost his mind. The last week has been amazing, though, and Blaine can’t wait to get things on the right track properly. They turned off the radio and did their own renditions of show tunes, singing together and in turn. Blaine has never enjoyed anyone’s company as much as Kurt’s on those mornings. Somehow this all has given him new hope. He almost wants to try for himself again, give his songs to Sebastian and ask if now the time would be his like it wasn’t back then. But only almost, because the fear of rejection is too great to overcome.

 

Besides, there’s something else to focus on at the moment.

 

Blaine will ask Kurt to date him today. Blaine has made up a million different scenarios for his prepared speech. Maybe, once he picks Kurt up, he’ll act like on a date, to see if Kurt catches on. That one feels a bit sketchy, so he abandons the idea. He could be straight-forward and begin the night by asking Kurt if he minded that Blaine would like to make tonight a date. Or, maybe he’ll wait until after the show, because he doesn’t want to ruin their evening before it even starts, in case Kurt doesn’t want to take him up on his offer. Blaine’s somehow assured that it won’t come to that – he has a feeling that Kurt will agree to see Blaine in a more romantic sense than before. This last week Kurt has been a bit more touchy-feely than before in the car, and sometimes their conversation has bordered on flirty.

 

When Blaine gets to Kurt’s apartment building and sees Kurt come out, he can’t breathe. Kurt’s hair seems even higher than normal. He’s pulling his coat on a classy midnight blue suit jacket that he’s paired up with impossibly tight dark jeans. He has a matching blue bow-tie on, too, and that’s the part that completely melts Blaine away. Bow-ties are his weakness. Blaine has been psyching himself up to talking to Kurt right away, but he chickens out. He has to have tonight, he’ll have time to speak his mind. He gets out of the car to greet Kurt.

 

“Hi. You look amazing.” He can’t help gushing a little. It’s okay to appreciate nice clothes, right? It’s not too much to compliment a friend that he wants to become more.

 

“Thank you,” Kurt says with a smile. “You have yellow pants. Brave. I like it.”

 

“Actually, the whole suit is yellow,” Blaine tips him off. It’s too cold to go out without an overcoat, so Kurt can only see his pants.

 

“You are indeed brave. I appreciate that in a man,” Kurt says, and Blaine ducks his head down to smile.

 

There’s no way Blaine can spill his beans here, but he has a good feeling about this.

 

*

 

The play is well executed, the cast is vibrant and surprisingly talented. The story unfolds, familiar and new at the same time. Blaine is really taken with Maria, played by Marley Rose, one of the people he met during the summer. She has a melodic voice that’s nice to listen to, and she brings out emotion clearly and really touches Blaine. Blaine gets completely absorbed in the play, forgetting everything else, even the fact that Kurt is sitting there right next to him. Kurt seems to enjoy the play as well. There’s a happy smile on his face and his eyes are sparkling as they get up from their seats and head out. They get out of the theater together, huge smiles on their faces, high on the fumes of musical theater. Blaine is still partly in the story, not quite back to reality yet, half of him still in that other era portrayed in front of his eyes on stage. He loves that feeling, and it only comes after a really good play or movie.

 

“That was great, Blaine. To be honest, much better than I expected,” Kurt says. His breath turns into a cloud in the night air.

 

“I’m glad,” Blaine says. Kurt is smiling, the coldness turning his cheeks red. He looks alive and beautiful. It’s now or never, Blaine thinks to himself as they stop on the sidewalk beside the spot where his car is parked. The street is pretty quiet, and the streetlights don’t fully penetrate the darkness. Blaine takes a step closer to Kurt. 

 

“Kurt, there’s –“

 

“I have something –“ Kurt starts at the same time.

 

They chuckle at each other, and Blaine gestures Kurt to go on first. His heart is beating wildly, but he’ll let Kurt talk first, before making his declaration.

 

“I wanted to tell you something. Since our talk last week, I’ve been thinking about New York.” Kurt takes a deep breath. “I’ve been talking with Adam, too. I told you he contacted me again, right? And you’re right. Maybe I did give up on my biggest dream too easily.”

 

A cold dread spreads within Blaine. He holds his breath. Kurt continues on without noticing his unease.

 

“Blaine… After Thanksgiving I’m giving my notice. I’m leaving McKinley. I’m going to New York in January – to chase that elusive dream. Also, Adam seems to want me back. I’m not quite sure about that yet, but, maybe. It’s time I took my life back, you know? I’ve only _existed_ for so long, without really living. And I want to thank you. You said the words I needed to hear right on the moment when I needed them. You have reminded me of what living is.”

 

Blaine swallows down his disappointment and the tears that are suddenly burning in his eyes. He puts on a smile and hopes it looks even slightly real. “You’re welcome,” he says, and is proud of himself for not choking on the words. Kurt is thanking him. Kurt is thanking him because Blaine made him realize he needs to leave Columbus. That he needs to leave Blaine to be in New York, to be with his idiot of an ex.  

 

It hurts.

 

During the drive home, Blaine lets Kurt babble about his plans, about New York, about portfolios and auditions and apartment hunting. He hums and nods in all the right places, but he can’t make himself ask Kurt any questions or really contribute to the conversation. Kurt doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are alight, the dimple is winking at Blaine from his cheek, and his voice is clear and smooth as he talks about all the things he’s missed during his years in Ohio. He’s beautiful, he still makes Blaine’s hands shake, and he’s moving to New York.

 

Only when Blaine drops him off, there’s a sudden frown on Kurt’s face. “Hey – I’m so sorry, I got carried away, you were also saying something. Back there, before we got in the car.”

 

Blaine just shakes his head. “It’s nothing important. Just… I had a great time tonight.” He squeezes a smile on his face even as he’s swallowing back tears.

 

“Me too,” Kurt says and smiles before getting out of the car. “Good night.”

 

“Good night, Kurt,” Blaine chokes out as the door closes. Kurt can’t hear his voice or his heart breaking.


	12. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for letting me know how you felt about the last chapter and also for every kudos! 
> 
> I know I'm a day late with this chapter, but yesterday something happened completely out of the blue and I wasn't in any shape to even think about fanfiction. I'm posting now, though, to not keep you waiting any longer and, mostly, to have something else and better to think about. I don't really have to right mindset to edit this one, so you'll have to forgive me and accept this as it is. I still really want to work on the last chapter some more, so I'll try to get it posted sometime in the weekend. Sorry for the inconvenience, I hate it when I give a schedule and then brush it off for any reason.

 

Blaine can barely see through his tears as he parks the car in his garage. He leans his hands on the steering wheel and his head on his hands. His nose is closed up, he has to heave breaths through his mouth in between sobs. He was so sure of tonight.

 

There’s a knife digging into his heart, slicing it into pieces, and a fist that squeezes those pieces together tighter and tighter. It never felt like this after Jeremiah. It never felt like this after Dave. Blaine wants to lock himself into his car and never come out again. Kurt is leaving, Kurt will move to New York with Adam, his cheating ex.

 

And it’s all thanks to Blaine, who told Kurt he should not give up on his dreams.

 

Kurt is Blaine’s new dream, and by going after his own, he shatters Blaine’s. Blaine will never get to know what Kurt’s lips taste like. He’ll never know how soft his skin is under all those layers he wears. He’ll never get to hold Kurt close in his arms and press little kisses into his neck. He’ll never know what kind of touch would make Kurt tremble. In few words, filled with hope, this all has turned into impossibility. _I’m going to New York_. Kurt is leaving Columbus, leaving Blaine. He’s going to get the high life that belongs to him.

 

Blaine will stay in Columbus, in his job that’s so close to what he wants to do, but not at all. Blaine will be here, wondering when Sam might be able to pop in, and trying to avoid going to his parents’ place too often. He will go back into his uneventful, lonely existence. Kurt was a lovely distraction, a nice daydream. Blaine should have known it was too good to ever happen. Good things rarely happen to him. Maybe he should take a long vacation and go see Cooper in LA.

 

He sits in the car for what feels like a small eternity. He’s numb and the tears have dried. He’s exhausted and down and he feels like giving up on everything. There’s no meaning in anything. He hates his life, and he has no idea how to change that. He doesn’t know where he’s supposed to be like Kurt does. Kurt knows he belongs in New York, but where does Blaine belong? He’s felt out of place ever since he left Dalton, unsure and tentative in most of the things he does. After Sebastian told him his music wouldn’t make it, he’d been anchorless, drifting around, clutching at straws. Kurt was like a branch, like something solid, but now he’s leaving. Kurt had felt like a beacon calling him home after being long adrift. But Kurt has turned out to be a mere reflection, and now Blaine is sinking fast.

 

Eventually he has to leave the car and get inside the house. He removes his yellow suit almost angrily. What had he been thinking? Of course Kurt goes back to his New York ex and leaves Columbus for New York and leaves Blaine for New York. New York is magic and theater and opportunity, and Columbus is stuffed and boring and in Ohio, Columbus is far from freedom. Kurt is magic himself – he deserves to go to New York, where his magic can turn real. Blaine doesn’t know what he himself is, but he’s far from magic and wonder. Maybe gray Columbus is his place after all, because that’s what he feels like: boring and bleak.

 

He climbs into bed and hides under the covers, but it takes him a long time to fall asleep.

 

*

 

Blaine can’t face Kurt the next morning. He sends out a text to tell Kurt that he’s sick, and then calls work that he’s taking a sick day. He hates to lie, he feels awful about it, but he needs this. He’ll have this one day to mourn, this one day to feel sorry for himself. One day to get over a crush that was just that, just in his head. It feels stupid to be this down. He’s twenty-six years old, and never had his heart broken like this, even though he’s had relationships. He’ll have one day, and then he’ll try to get back on his feet.

 

Kurt sends back a concerned reply. {Oh no! Do you need anything? I could come by after work. Just let me know.}

 

Blaine breaks down in tears again. It’s just not fair. [No need, thanks tho.]

 

{If you figure out during the day that you do need something, text me. That’s an order.}

 

[I will.]

 

Kurt doesn’t take a hint from his short replies. {Rest up, now, so you can get better soon. It’d be a bummer to be sick on thanksgiving}

 

[I’m in bed right now. Will you get to work okay?] Blaine gives up. It would be easier to just ignore Kurt, to leave him be and try to move on. He can’t though. He needs to have the little part of Kurt he can have as long as he can have it.

 

{Don’t you dare worry about me. Focus on getting better.}

 

Blaine doesn’t answer that anymore. He stares at the texts, goes back to the one Kurt sent him about two weeks ago – “he’s the complete opposite of me” – and feels hopeless and heartbroken.

 

*

 

It’s Thanksgiving. Blaine forces himself out of the bed and into the shower. He hasn’t slept well, he kept dreaming about Kurt walking away, and waking up in tears. He gels his hair and chooses clothes that his father won’t mock. He learned long ago to leave the bow-ties home on family dinners.

 

He drives down and helps his mother in the kitchen. His aunt with her family comes over, and he has to field questions about someone special until he wants to scream that the only guy he’s interested in is moving across the continent. His four cousins are insufferable, especially because three of them have a family with kids and the fourth is getting married in spring. Blaine suffers through and breathes a sigh of relief when he gets back to his car and can drive back home. His mother would have liked to have him stay overnight, but Blaine goes home. He texted Kurt a simple Happy Thanksgiving earlier, but got no answer whatsoever. He tries not to be hurt over it. Their interactions beyond the mornings have been really limited. One dinner and one theater show are not a lot. There have been texts, but maybe they mean nothing at all in the grand scheme of things.

 

Blaine longs for Kurt more than ever, which is ridiculous. He should be trying to get over the guy, but his thoughts seem to latch on even tighter. He stays home the rest of the weekend, talks on the phone with Cooper, Sam, and then Tina and Mike. He tells them about Kurt, and they seem surprised to hear that Kurt’s not in New York. Blaine is proud that he can keep his voice from breaking as he tells them that Kurt’s leaving after Christmas. Tina still hears that there’s something wrong.

 

“Blaine, sweetie – you like him? Like, are you into Kurt?”

 

Blaine proceeds to spill the whole story, and he ends up in tears again. Tina is understanding and lets him vent. Mike offers his support.

 

After the call Blaine feels a lot better.

 

*

 

It’s Monday morning, and Blaine must face Kurt. He almost wants to call in sick again, but he knows he can’t. He doesn’t want to hide away forever. He’s had his holiday to wallow in pain, now it’s time to lift his head up and walk out. It’s time to keep on living. There was a time when Blaine let his whim to stay in bed win, and it only made him feel worse. No matter how awful the alarm sound is, no matter how his bed is warm and comfy, he pushes himself up as fast as he can, before the call of the bed becomes too loud to ignore.

 

He goes through his routine and finds his comfort in that. Bathroom, clothes, breakfast, coat, keys, car, Kurt. Kurt is part of that routine already, Blaine taking a tiny detour to the grocery store parking lot to pick him up. It pains Blaine that come New Year, Kurt won’t be there. His morning commute will be as quiet as it used to be, before Kurt.

 

Kurt looks tired. His cheeks and nose are red with the cold air, and his hair is drooping slightly. Blaine smiles though it aches as he murmurs a good morning that Kurt returns. Blaine breathes in the silence that follows. Kurt sips his coffee, the radio is playing, and it’s just like any other morning. It’s not, though. Today, Kurt will resign from his job at McKinley’s Music. He’ll probably stay on till Christmas, but then it’s time for goodbye. Blaine’s not sure how he’ll cope with that, but he’ll have time. He has three weeks before the inevitable, three weeks with Kurt.

 

Kurt clears his throat, like any other morning. “So. How was Thanksgiving?”

 

Blaine shrugs. “I went to my parents’ for a family dinner, and got back home as soon as I could. Spent the rest of the time watching movies. So, nothing exciting or amazing, just a long weekend with a little extra annoyance in the shape of my aunt’s family.” And my broken heart, he thinks, but that’s not something he’ll say out loud.

 

“I’m sorry about your family,” Kurt says.

 

“I think it’s the same for every person my age that isn’t in a committed relationship. When will you bring someone home? When are you finally settling down? You can get married now, what’s stopping you?” Blaine imitates his cousins. “I can deal. What about your holiday? You said that you were going to spend it alone?”

 

“Yeah, ‘cause Dad and Carole are away. But I wasn’t alone. Adam came over.”

 

Blaine bites his lip. He can do this. He’s not jealous. At all. “That’s nice.”

 

“Actually, it was anything but. I know we’ve been talking on the phone a lot recently, but seeing him in person was… odd.” Kurt shrugs, plays with his travel mug, running a long finger around the lid.

 

Blaine tries to keep breathing normally. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Kurt is still leaving. “Well, it has been a long time since you last saw each other, right? Of course there’s some awkwardness in the beginning.”

 

“It wasn’t odd like that. We’ve both changed so much. I was excited to see him, but when I went to pick him up from the airport, I just… He was like a completely different person.”

 

“It’ll take time to catch up,” Blaine offers. He has no idea why he’s trying to comfort Kurt on this, but he can’t stop. The words just keep coming like he’s on autopilot.

 

“We had a huge fight. He was going on and on about me moving in with him once I get to New York, and when I refused that, he got mad. It was a nice weekend after that.” Kurt goes for sarcasm but he doesn’t quite get there. Instead his words sound angry.

 

“I’m sorry,” Blaine says. His heart is jumping in his chest, he can’t help but hope that maybe. He tries to shake it off, because he had his chance and it’s gone. Kurt doesn’t want to move in with his ex, but he does still want to move.

 

Kurt brushes off Blaine’s words. “Tell me about the movies you watched. Any good ones?”

 

They launch off into a conversation about Moulin Rouge. It’s one of Blaine’s favorites, and Kurt loves it, too. Kurt gushes about Come What May for a solid ten minutes, about how it’s the most romantic song his ever heard and he dreams of actually singing it with someone one day. Blaine wants to volunteer as a duet partner then and there, but he just nods along instead.

 

God, he will miss Kurt once he’s gone.

 

*

 

Blaine is in the middle of writing an email when there’s a knock on the doorframe. “Not now, Sebastian,” he throws over his shoulder without taking his eyes off his computer screen. Sebastian has been even more insistent than usual today and Blaine’s patience is running thin. The day has been long, and after this email he’ll be able to go home and pine after Kurt. Their morning had been, once again, so good, even though Blaine had been wary beforehand. He’s sad that Kurt is leaving, but he’ll take what he can get. He just needs to get this done and go home, have this day be over.

 

“I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” That voice does not belong to Sebastian. Blaine turns over so fast he almost falls from his chair.

 

“Kurt?”

 

Kurt gives him a sheepish half-smile. “Hi. I don’t mean to interrupt. I can just go if you’re busy.” He’s wearing red pants, as tight as usual, and a shirt that’s striped with red and black. It hugs his shoulders indecently well. He has done something with his hair, because it’s not drooping like it was in the morning. He has his coat on his arm. He looks amazing. Blaine curses the weather and the coat in his head. He doesn’t get to see the whole outfit every morning, and he’s really missing out.

 

“No, not that busy. I just have to finish this email,” Blaine answers, after a beat too long. “What’s up?” Kurt’s never come by in work before.

 

“Could you… drive me home today?” Kurt doesn’t quite meet Blaine’s eyes. He almost looks shy.

 

“Of course.” Blaine checks the time. It’s a quarter to five, the day is almost over. “Do you still have something to finish? If not, you could stay here. This won’t take long at all.” He points at the chair in the corner of his tiny office.

 

“If it doesn’t bother you.”

 

 _You could never bother me._ The words are on the tip of Blaine’s tongue, but he manages to keep them in. He just shakes his head, and Kurt walks over to sit down.

 

“It’s just this email, and then we can go.”

 

Blaine finishes his email, though he’s not quite sure how well it turns out in the end. His whole attention is on Kurt even though he keeps his eyes on the screen. He’s painfully aware of Kurt in his space, looking at the shelf behind him, taking in the tiny room. Finally, Blaine shuts off his computer and gets up.

 

“I’m done. Let’s go.”

 

Just as they are leaving the office, Sebastian walks by. Blaine curses his bad luck, because there will be a comment no matter how much he doesn’t want to hear it. Sebastian is in a dark gray suit, polished and professional as ever. The slow once-over he gives Kurt makes Blaine’s skin crawl. He didn’t want Kurt to ever witness this – he didn’t even think it was a possibility, but now that it’s happening, he wants almost wants to growl and chase Sebastian as far away as possible.

 

“Have a nice day, Sebastian. I’m heading off,” he says and starts towards the elevator.

 

“Hey there, not that fast. You didn’t introduce me to your friend,” Sebastian says. He has his trademark smirk in place.

 

Kurt looks at Sebastian with narrowed eyes. “Kurt Hummel, graphic design.” Blaine notes with glee that Kurt doesn’t offer his hand to shake.

 

“Pleasure,” Sebastian says. It’s clear he doesn’t mean it. “So, Blaine, you up for drinks next weekend?”

 

“No, unfortunately I’m not,” Blaine says. It has taken time for him to learn to talk to Sebastian. He needs to be short and to the point. If he gets too polite, Sebastian will just keep asking, over and over again. Blaine knows that from experience by now.

 

“He already has plans,” Kurt informs Sebastian with an icy tone and takes the couple of steps required to stand right next to Blaine. “Have a nice afternoon.”

 

They get into the elevator and Blaine finally dares to look at Kurt with all the questions in his eyes. “What was that? I’ve got plans?”

 

“Yes, you have plans, with me. I’ll get to it eventually. But first, Blaine - why do you put up with that? He rubs me the wrong way, that one.”

 

“He’s the one I told you about – the one that’s into me? I wasn’t being cocky, he’s impossible to ignore or misunderstand. And I’m pretty sure he’s the reason I got the position, so… I just let him yap and then leave as quickly as I can.” Blaine puts his hands in his pockets, stares at the changing numbers as the elevator moves. Sebastian is also the reason why Blaine didn’t get a record deal, but that’s water under the bridge.

 

“That’s harassment, you know,” Kurt says, but then the doors open and a smartly dressed woman enters. They can’t talk anymore, and part of Blaine is relieved. He knows he should do something to stop Sebastian’s comments, but Sebastian has been a producer far longer and he has a great relationship with their boss. Blaine doesn’t feel like rising against that, he wants to keep his job.

 

They get to the car, set their bags on the back seat and climb in. Luckily Kurt doesn’t continue about Sebastian. Blaine tries to ignore how weirdly domestic it feels to have Kurt so casually in his car, opening the doors, taking his space. He’s never paid attention to it before, but now it’s like a punch to the stomach. This is everything he can’t have. This is everything he won’t have in a few weeks.

 

“So, there’s actually a reason I wanted a lift home,” Kurt says as Blaine drives them out of the garage and on to the street.

 

“Okay, I’m listening,” Blaine says and spares a look towards Kurt. Kurt meets his eyes and nods.

 

“I think it’s time to come clean. I need to tell you everything.” Kurt takes a deep breath. “You know bits and pieces, but that’s not all there is to it. I want you to just listen, because… it’s not the easiest of things to get through.”

 

He doesn’t continue right away. Blaine doesn’t speak, he stays silent like Kurt asked him to. He just reaches out to turn off the radio. The car hums quietly around them, and the air feels heavy. Blaine lets Kurt take his time. He takes a turn, another. This is his chance to get to the bottom of it all, to the thing that Kurt’s been keeping him. He can wait a few minutes.

 

It’s almost five minutes before Kurt speaks again. His voice is low and the words come slowly. “I applied to this school in New York – New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. NYADA. It was the ultimate dream for me and Rachel both. One of the reasons we became so good friends. Well, fast forward a little. She got in to NYADA even though she messed up her audition song. I didn’t get in even though my performance was flawless. That was the first strike against me. My dad convinced me to go to New York with Rachel anyway. He knew what it meant to me. So I went. I got a job as a singing waiter, I tried to get to NYADA again, but didn’t succeed. I met Adam, everything was going okay.” Kurt swallows. He takes a couple of deep breaths as Blaine stops on a red light.

 

“But then… next fall Finn died. Rachel got the lead in the revival of Funny Girl. I got jealous, I was grieving, and everything became a big mess for me, emotionally. I auditioned a lot because I needed the validation no one had ever really given me. Then, it all came to a turning point when my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer.” There are tears in Kurt’s voice now, and on his face, too. Blaine reaches out a hand to smooth it down Kurt’s arm, offering what little comfort he can. The light is green and he drives, lost in Kurt’s story. He’s aware that Kurt has a special bond with his dad. It must have been a huge shock to get news like that, and right after his stepbrother’s death, too.

 

“I packed my bags and came home. I was in Lima that winter, with dad and Carole. The treatments worked, and dad was fine, but I wasn’t. I almost lost him in high school – I don’t think I told you about that, either – he had a heart attack and he was in a coma for a week. And you know how important to me he is. I’ve already lost my mom, she died when I was eight, and… it felt like the end of the world when dad was touch and go for a while. And for him to get a new diagnose of something that scary…” Kurt trails off.

 

“Oh god, Kurt,” Blaine breathes. He can’t stay quiet anymore. Kurt’s mother is dead. That’s why he never mentioned her, that’s why he’s father married Carole, that’s why Kurt had a step-brother… a step-brother who also passed away. Blaine can’t breathe. He feels for Kurt and needs to get it out somehow. He’s about to continue, but Kurt hushes him right away.

 

“So, I never went back to New York. Instead I applied for college here, closer to Lima and dad. I got my degree in graphic design, I got a job at McKinley, and decided that this is my life. I’ll never get the validation I’ve been looking for my whole life. I didn’t get to graduate from my dream school, my auditions were for nothing, and New York seemed like an impossible, stupid fancy. I’ve been pushed and mocked and thrown aside so many times. Maybe that’s just my lot in life, you know?” Kurt sighs. “But then I met you, Blaine. I don’t know what about you it is, but you make me want things again. You make me feel like I can dream, like I can go after that validation. Your words make me valid sometimes.”

 

Blaine blinks and realizes there are tears in his eyes, too. “Kurt, I. Thank you. I’m glad that I’ve helped you.” He looks at Kurt, full of emotion. Kurt is not his, but still, he has made a difference in Kurt’s life. He’s important to Kurt, even as a friend.

 

“Watch out!” Kurt screams just as Blaine sees the headlights of a car coming towards them on their lane. He slams the brakes, hears an awful noise of bending metal, and then everything goes black.  

 


	13. A Conclusion

 

“Blaine! Blaine, wake up, please wake up, can you hear me?” A high voice is pleading him, begging him.

 

Yes, he can hear, but he can’t speak. He can’t move. Everything is hazy and hurts. He manages to get one eye open, but nothing he sees makes any sense. Shapes and moving people. It’s easier to keep his eyes closed. He closes his eye and tries to ignore how bad everything feels.

 

A horrible noise comes from somewhere to the left of him and he cringes. The sound grates in his teeth. It hurts to move. There’s something warm on his face. He passes out again.

 

Blaine wakes up to his own scream.

 

It hurts, fire down his legs, pins and needles and fire. His head throbs and hands are holding on to him. He’s being moved, and everything is pain, pain, pain.

 

*

 

The first thing he hears is a soft voice speaking gently to someone who doesn’t answer. Then he realizes that the voice is speaking to him.

 

“…and honey, I think I’ve never been as scared. But you will wake up. I’ve done this before, I just told you some hours ago. You will wake up. It’s just a concussion. You are not in a coma, so you will not sleep for a week. Or longer than that, oh shit. Blaine, please, wake up. I need you to look at me and be alive and alert and okay. I wasn’t done, there’s more I need to tell you. I will hate myself forever if I don’t finish telling you. Please.” It’s Kurt. He’s talking, his voice low and soft and pleasant, steady even though he’s begging.

 

“I…” Blaine coughs. His throat is sore. “’m up.” He manages to get his eyes open. The lights hurt. He has a terrible headache. It feels like someone is pushing his head in from all directions at once.

 

“Oh, _oh_ , Blaine,” Kurt breathes out and Blaine can feel him squeezing his hand terribly tight before letting go. “I’ll go get the lights, and then I’ll give you some water.”

 

The lights dim, and then Kurt is back next to him, a plastic cup in his hand. Blaine drinks gratefully. The water feels divine going down his throat, but then he feels like puking. The feeling comes only a second before he’s retching on his lap. His head throbs. Everything feels terrible, shaken up and put back together wrong. He groans as he leans back to the pillows. His vomit smells awful, makes him even more nauseated.

 

“Oh, darling,” Kurt sighs softly and leans over to push a button.

 

A nurse comes over, and soon after, Blaine is unconscious again.

 

*

 

Blaine wakes up again, and the room is dark. He’s alone in his hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown, and he’s hungry. He remembers being woken up several times, but just barely. They asked him stupid questions about the president and years and his family. He thinks that’s a standard thing after someone has banged their head, but it annoyed him nonetheless.

 

He feels groggy and lost. He’s not sure what happened. He was driving home with Kurt, and then, a car had been on their lane. He’d slammed his foot on the brake, and the other car had tried to get back to its own lane right in front of them. That’s it. He has no idea about his injuries or Kurt’s state.

 

Well, Kurt was there with him, he’s pretty sure it wasn’t a dream. He thinks he might have puked in front of Kurt, too. Blaine groans out loud, mortified and annoyed at himself. He puked in front of Kurt, beautiful, talented Kurt, who is moving to New York and leaving Blaine and Blaine doesn’t know how to live without Kurt in his life. Is that the last time they’ll see each other? The last thing Kurt will remember of Blaine is the vomit on the sheet? Blaine wants a do-over. He wants to start again, maybe not look at Kurt while driving, maybe just hang back at the office a couple of minutes or something. He doesn’t want this. The tears are reaching his mouth and ears before he realizes he’s crying. He feels alone and terrified and useless.

 

He knows that he’s on some meds. It’s unfair how some people get high on them and he just gets down.

 

*

 

Blaine’s parents visit the next day. His mother is worried, shaken and white-faced, his father quiet with a concerned frown on his face. They talk a little, but Blaine isn’t feeling very social. By that point Blaine knows that he has broken both of his legs and he has a concussion. He’s been in the hospital for twenty-eight hours, most of them unconscious or heavily medicated. He wants to know where Kurt is, but he doesn’t know if he should ask, and no one has told him. Blaine can’t believe he crashed the car while Kurt was in it. He hates himself for it, he could have killed Kurt. The mere thought makes him shudder.

 

His parents don’t stay for very long. His keys are in his things, and he lets his mother take them. His parents are staying over at his house, and Blaine is glad. He’s not above admitting to himself that he needs his mother around right now. He won’t be walking on his own any time soon, so he’ll need the help as well as some mental support. He almost feels like a little boy fallen from a tree, just wants his mother to make everything better again.

 

Then his father herds his mother out, and Blaine’s alone again. Blaine hopes that there’s not a huge mess waiting for them at his house. He honestly can’t remember how he left everything the morning before. There might be some dirty dishes in the sink and he hasn’t vacuumed in a while.

 

Just a few minutes later there’s a knock on the door, and Kurt peeks in. Blaine smiles – Kurt is okay, Kurt is fine, Kurt is _here_. He looks stunning as usual, even though he moves a little stiffly as he comes in and settles on the chair next to Blaine’s bed. He’s wearing a striped button-down that makes his shoulders look amazing. He’s here, he came to see Blaine, and that means the world.

 

“How are you?” Kurt asks. His beautiful eyes are full of concern.

 

“I’m okay, considering,” Blaine answers. “What about you? You, at least, are able to walk. Why are you here, and not at work?”

 

“I’m fine. A little bruised by the seatbelt, but otherwise okay. The other car missed my side and crashed mostly into yours.” Kurt takes Blaine’s hand. His touch is warm and his skin soft. “I came because needed to see you.”

 

“What happened?” Blaine asks. “They haven’t really told me anything. I haven’t been up, really, either.”

 

“The police will come to ask you about it at some point, they already talked to me,” Kurt says. “But it’s most definitely not your fault that this happened. The other driver, the one who crashed us, he was passing the car in front of him. He tried to get back to his own lane, but didn’t make it in time. He got there only partly, so that your corner of the car got the worst hit. He’s not hurt more than I am.”

 

“Holy shit,” Blaine says quietly, for lack of anything else to say.

 

Kurt laughs. “You don’t say. I’m so mad at him, by the way, and not only because he hurt you. Though that is the worst possible thing, I was so scared when you were unconscious in the car, trapped there. I hate seeing you stuck to that bed. I hated not knowing when you’d wake up. But. I really don’t like that he cut my well prepared speech too early by crashing into us.”

 

“You had that all prepared?” Blaine asks. He’s glad he remembers it, Kurt telling about his mother and his father and the reasons he left New York behind. Kurt telling him that Blaine is the reason Kurt decided to go back finally, and oh, look at the irony in that one.

 

“Well, not word for word,” Kurt shrugs. He’s not looking Blaine in the eye. He’s playing with Blaine’s fingers, touching them, petting them, squeezing the tips absent-mindedly. Blaine loves it. “But I had the topics ready. And the most important I had saved for last, so I never got there.”

 

“Do you want to finish it now?” Blaine asks. He’s not sure what Kurt has left to say, he thinks it must be time for goodbyes, now. He’s not sure he wants to hear it, but he has to. Kurt wants to tell him, and he’ll listen.

 

“Yeah, I do,” Kurt says. “I was about to tell you more about Adam.”

 

Blaine nods a little. Just a little, because his head doesn’t appreciate being moved too quickly. He bites the inside of his lip. This is where it gets difficult.  
  
“I want to you be clear-minded for this. How much meds have you had?” Kurt asks.

 

It should probably tell Blaine something that he wants to giggle uncontrollably at the ‘I want you’ part of Kurt’s sentence – he’s probably not completely sober. He shrugs. “I’m fine, I’m curious, please talk.”

 

“Umm, so. I told you we fought, right? So. When I saw him last Wednesday night, for the first time in years, I was full of anticipation,” Kurt begins. He still hasn’t let go of Blaine’s fingers. He’s not looking at Blaine, his eyes fixed on the tiny movement of tapping his middle finger on Blaine’s, rubbing the fingers together. “I was sure I would be able to take back the life I left behind, Blaine. The city, the boyfriend, the dream was right there, I could almost taste it. But then I saw Adam and I felt nothing. There was no attraction, no pull towards him. He was just someone that at one time was very dear to me. I didn’t know what to say to him, what to do. His hug felt wrong, his kiss even more wrong. I had been waiting for him, dreaming of him, dreaming of the moment he’d come back to me. He was there, his arms open wide, and I just got mad because it didn’t feel like anything. I felt nothing but wrong when he touched me. We argued, because apparently he really wanted me.”

 

Blaine swallows down the jealousy that rears its ugly head. Besides, Kurt wasn’t into it. That’s something at least. Kurt is not telling him how extraordinary it is to get back with an ex.

 

“Then I realized why I didn’t respond to him, Blaine. Then I finally admitted something to myself.” Kurt takes a break. Blaine can feel him looking, his eyes a warm weight on Blaine’s skin. This time Blaine can’t look at him. He stares at the blanket, pure white, not one interesting stain in it.

 

“What was that?” Blaine asks, because Kurt is clearly waiting for it.

 

“I realized that he’s in the past. That I’m so over him it’s ridiculous. And there’s someone else, someone so much better, in my life now.”

 

Blaine can feel the bottom of his belly fall. He can hear the blood rushing in his veins, he feels crazy with the sudden, very real possibility that’s cracking in the air between them. He lifts his eyes to meet Kurt’s, and his thoughts go scattering around.

 

“You, Blaine.”

 

Blaine traps Kurt’s ever-moving fingers with his own as their gazes lock.

 

“You… I need to ask you, the texts after we talked about Dave? You texted me, you said that he’s to complete opposite of you.” Blaine searches Kurt’s eyes, his deep, blue-green eyes that are warm and full of affection.

 

Kurt blushes. “I was slightly drunk. And miserable, because apparently you were into big bears, and not into people like me. I… I guess then was the first time I really thought about it, about you, and it hurt so much to know about, about Dave. I guess that’s why I was suddenly so ready to try with Adam again, too. I… have been lonely, but I felt better after meeting you. Adam was someone familiar, and I must admit I lead him on again. I wasn’t into him, I just wanted _someone_ , because right then it felt like it could never be you.” Kurt is staring at their fingers, still holding on, and Blaine’s breathless with his confession.

 

 “That night, at the theater – I was going to ask you to date me,” Blaine chokes out. He feels like he’s having on overload of information.

 

“Yes, Blaine, I’ll date you,” Kurt says with a smile.

 

Blaine can’t help but lean over to place a gentle kiss on his lips. Kurt takes a sharp breath in at the contact, but then he melts into the touch, kisses back. He leans forward so that Blaine’s not quite so awkwardly on the bed. Kurt sucks on Blaine’s bottom lip and raises a hand to rest on Blaine’s cheek. Blaine feels too warm for his skin, his hand is shaking where it’s gripping Kurt’s, and he’s half certain that this isn’t real.

 

They part with a soft sound, and Blaine opens his eyes to stare into Kurt’s. He has to ask what this means, even though he’s floating on cloud nine. “What about New York?” Kurt can’t be leaving him, Kurt can’t give this to him just to take it away.

 

“I was in a rush with that. I didn’t leave my resignation letter yesterday, Blaine. My lease is only up next August, and I love the apartment. New York can wait a little, it’s been there all these years.” Kurt’s smile is wide and warm.

 

“You’re staying?” Blaine’s cheeks hurt, he’s smiling so much.

 

“At least until August.” Kurt drops his eyes to stare at their still entwined fingers. “But after that we’ll see, right? I just need to give this a try. You’re here, right in front of me, and that takes priority over anything that’s in my head about New York or anything else.”

 

Blaine nods. “Absolutely. I’m so here, Kurt, and I’m yours if you’ll have me.”

 

“I want you, silly. Of course I want you.” Kurt’s smile takes Blaine’s breath away.

 

“If that’s the case, I’m more than fine with it. Though you’re getting yourself into quite a mess also known as Blaine Anderson,” Blaine jokes. Then, at those words, the weight of his situation dawns on him. He really is a mess, not only mentally this time, but physically as well. “Oh, Kurt – I can’t walk!”

 

“That does make my weekend plans for us quite impossible, I’m afraid,” Kurt says and shakes his head a little. “But we’ll have to improvise something else.”

 

“What did you have in mind?” Blaine needs to know what he can’t have. At least not yet. His mind is reeling. It’s easier to focus on the little things for now. Like being allowed the flirty tone he’s using. Kurt is not going to leave, Kurt will stay, for Blaine.

 

“I thought a dinner at the Italian place close to where we live, and a nice stroll after, to my place for dessert.” Kurt’s eyes turn dark and he licks his lip. “Some cheesecake, and you in my bed.”

 

“Well, you were pretty damn sure of yourself,” Blaine says, teasing. Kurt’s words are turning him on and that’s just not fair, he’s in a hospital bed with two broken legs!

 

Kurt smirks. The look is almost predatory, extremely aware of its own charms. His sudden confidence and smoldering eyes are not helping Blaine’s situation at all. This is a side of Kurt he hasn’t seen but really, really wants to get to know thoroughly.

 

“I’m not the only one who’s thought about it, even though neither of us has talked about it.” Kurt leaves his lips parted and Blaine wants to _whine_.

 

Blaine also thought he’d been discreet, he’d denied himself those thoughts and looks. Or at least he’d tried to. But clearly Kurt had noticed at least something.

 

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Kurt quips. “I’ve worked hard for this body, and I know my wardrobe is fabulous. It’s only nice that someone appreciates it.”

 

“I certainly do,” Blaine breathes out. He feels like a bumbling idiot, but for whatever reason it doesn’t matter with Kurt. “Kurt Hummel, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever set my eyes on.”

 

This time Kurt blushes fiercely, no matter how confident he was just seconds ago. His ears turn red, and the color stains his cheeks as well, spreading down to his neck. Blaine simply has to kiss him again, because now he’s allowed.

 

This won’t be easy, they have a lot to talk about still, and Kurt needs to help Blaine literally back on his feet. But Blaine is happy, because this is more than he ever thought he’d get.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is. Thank you to each and every one who reaches this point and has followed this story. 
> 
> I know there are still questions and things I haven't adressed like I should have, so there will be a sequel at some point, just to tie all loose ends somehow together. This story was quite simple when I started posting, and then I edited it as I went, and things just started popping up - like Blaine's dream of making his own music, and that Sebastian was the one to kill that dream. Also, there was no crash in the first version... And a lot of other stuff. This story only started growing into itself while I was posting and editing, and then it was too late to make any huge changes like add a bunch of chapters to clear everything up (also, I was too lazy to research the medical stuff). 
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos. The best part about posting fics online is getting to see the reaction of readers. 
> 
> If you feel like it, come find me on tumblr and talk to me: little-escapist.tumblr.com


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